A great many tears shed

Even in three days, this experience is just, it's so much more than I could ever dream of.  My biggest fear, having issues with a group dynamic or having conflicting personalities with people, has quickly disappeared.  Any of my sheepishness and insecurities, here, they have melted away.  Our group energy is so positive, and it makes me so happy to feel this comfort with these people so quickly, so I couldn't be any more appreciative since I have been in the situation where I had a great opportunity and a negative group dynamic ruined a lot of the experience.  I'm sure there will be times where I don't feel so hot about some people, but I think, generally, we are all very considerate people and will work very well together.

 I also saw the Northern Lights. Cried.  'nuff said.

It was only the tip of the iceberg too. It was just plain incredible.

haha, we're talking about piercings right now, laughing, as usual.  I don't think anyone here feels left out either.  Except for our frenchies who might not understand everything sometimes, but there's a lot of translating between us, and I really think we're learning a lot!  I honestly never realized how much we could learn from living in groups.  I never thought I'd actually love it!  For example, who would think they'd learn that jam and ham sandwiches actually taste good? 

Someone noticed my yoga poster in the basement too!  Since everyone is open to try everything here, when a few people expressed interest, I brought the poster up and started some piercings, then nearly half of us started trying some poses, the rest watching.  

I haven't even mentioned the three times I got to go outside today!  Walking with 5 dogs following, meanwhile playing fetch with snowballs, making snow angels on my own, running around like a fool with the rest of my the group, tripping in the snow, followed by a show of the most glorious thing I have ever experienced in my life. I actually cried at the sight of the Northern lights.  While we were outside, a man actually came to speak to us, and he mentioned a part of their history which shook us quite a bit once we learned more.  Some of the  realities we were presented with about this community, and native communities in general were pretty hard to take, but I'm not here to be coddled like we were in high school.  What was even more surprising was that he brought it up in the first place, becausewe've been told  that most people here don't really talk about it.  This man was pretty funny and I'm really glad we ran into him- it made the day feel more complete, having a tiny taste of the Chisasibi culture from someone who lives it.  While we were outside, one man even yelled out the window of his van "Welcome to Chisasibi!"

(it's actually pronounced Chi-Saa-See-Bee (emphasis on the "sa" unlike how I was pronouncing it prior to my arrival)  

I'm at a loss for words today. I've already learned so much and I can't even imagine what this beautiful community, incredible group of people and amazing program will bring.  

Sorry to disappoint, but I don't miss anyone from home (maybe just chocolate.) Also, if you'd like to send me something, well, just don't bother until I'm in Manitoba. Haha, it'll probably take two months since it's so isolated here... so email me :)  Or suggest a Skype date! (Or at least express interest and I'll message you back with a possible time.)  I have 4 "slots" of free time a week, so I'll try to spend it wisely (especially since I still have two projects :S)

Finally United- My new family :)

L to R : Julie, Yvonne, Francois, Briana, Nick, Olivia, Stacey (moi!), Michael, Mike, Chris (PL), Brooke

Day 2 in Katima-Land

Day 2 of my adventure...


The whole group was united today, with two more arriving on the plane from Northern Saskatchewan and Edmonton.  It really felt like a family gathering-type thing- the whole group went to pick them up and we made a welcome sign with their names and explained any new things we learned the very first day.


Our leaders also waited to do any of our orientation until today so really, today was Day one and yesterday was our day to chill. 


I just can't believe how lucky we are.  I actually feel like I'm getting along with everyone in my group, and I have a feeling we won't have problems with people volunteering to do things, take responsibilities and make group living worthwhile. 


I also didn't previously realize how many sources of learning there really are in Katimavik.  I'll have to update my Katimavik description because, there's SO much to it.  Seriously!
All together, I think what Katimavik really stands for is Responsible Living.
here's a list to start:

• Group living:
• Living in a house with 11 or 12 students and one leader has it's difficulties- managing shower times, food, bathroom usage ect.
• Cooking:
• Every week, there are 2 students called "House Mates" that are in charge of cleaning the house, cooking and some of the laundry
• Language: Cree (community), French (housemates), English (everywhere)
• Their goal is to make as many of us as functionally biligual as possible. So today, there are 4 of us that consider ourselves bilingual or almost biligual, one that speaks less English than most and 4 that say they can't speak any French. So our aim is to make the rest of us bilingual.
• Culture:
• Living with students from around thr country offers perspectives from around the country and immerses students in both languages
• Work:
• Volunteer work experience can offer more competencies, of course
• Civic Engagement
• It not only gets us volunteering in this community, but inspires us how to get involved in our own communities and we'll learn how to find places to volunteer as well
• Environmental Habits
• Katimavik was originally, really a program purely for hippies, so it incorporates themes from that, but it's far more structured now including the same environmental living aspects in more useful, efficient manners, teaching us how we can use these habits in our everyday lives.
• Responsibility
• Everyone has tasks we have to do to live in harmony. There's just no other way- we all have to pull our weight.
• Frugal Spending
• Especially in a community where food costs THREE TIMES more than anywhere else, we need to learn to spend efficiently and responsibly.
• Time Management
• We only get so much free time to do things, and learning to cook, clean etc, for a family of 11 or 12 may require some time management as well.
• Social Skills
• We're thrown into a social environment that is comfortable, but likely far from anyone's usual comfort-zones back at home. You befriend the people you would never consider being friends with, and you learn to get along with everyone
• General Life skills
• Dealing with homesickness
• building a tolerance, really to homesickness.  I'm starting to think that 6 months isn't very long at all!
• Becoming an Individual
• living in a group home, you become comfortable with the people fairly quickly, having the knowledge that you will be with those people for  half a year!  After that, it becomes easier to be yourself around others (I've heard)
• Character building
• Healthy active living
• General all-around Experience
• Its friggin fun... and you will get some experience that will more than likely help you reach a conclusion as to what you want to do in life/what you want to gain from experiences.

We're told that Katimavik volunteers are less here for the community than the actual community is there for us.  We can offer volunteer help, cultural experience for them and shared learning, but more than anything, it's us that will gain a whole new world of knowledge.

So that's all the boring stuff, me trying to get you to do Katimavik if you can, or at least be fond if it! ( I can't see any reason not to be, it's a ridiculously incredible program.)  Like I said, it's not only the peace love and harmony-type thing it was when it started (thats not to say that it wasn't great but now its just... well words can't explain.)

As for my personal experience thus far? I can only see good things. My group, for example. This was really my biggest fear: to be stuck in a group of crabby teens that don't get along or are rather inconsiderate.  That's not at all the case here. We had a true group meal today, where there weren't really any side conversations, just a legitimate GROUP dinner.  And our whole group gets along really well- I've even found some things in common with a few people here already! Like photography :) 

Also, the community is just... it can't be any better.  People are really friendly here, I shared a smile with a man at the airport. I said hello and he smiled, his one-toothed smile and said "Happy New Year" and laughed.  Anywhere else, i might have been intimidated, but here, I was honoured to share such a moment with a local because it was so sweet and genuine.

Later, we were getting ready for dinner and the doorbell rang.  I answered the door to a little girl wearing a pink spongebob hat.  Here, most people speak cree or English, and some French (there's even a small inuit population!)  So I said "Hello, Bonjour"  Immediately, she replied "I don't speak French."  She said it as if I should know, but it was cute :)  So I asked her what she would like (figuring, maybe she was fundraising for something) and she asked if she could come in.  I guess to play?  Apparently it's not uncommon for the kids to come and ask if we want to play.  I guess there's no space for shyness here!

I was also impressed with the house! It's so spacious! I was expecting crammyness to be honest.  Did I mention the language aspect?  My conversations with some switch constantly from French to English and back.  And we happen to have a PLO (Project leader officer) that is with us for 5 days (even though theyre normally only here for one because they look after a few groups) Denis is his name, he's hilarious! "I'm like a shooting star," he said. that pretty much describes him to a tee.  Our project leader, Chris speaks french, english and Newfaneese. He certainly has his funny moments, but right now, I think he's just playing the 'i gotta lay down the law' type guy.  He a git-er-done kind of guy, so if there's a problem, he'll do what he can to fix it immediately, which is so great! I'm really thankful for that.

So not only am I getting this incredible katima-experience, but I'm getting the Chisasibi experience, which is like no other. If I picked a community anywhere in Canada, from what I know so far, I'd pick here.
Eventually I'll make a list of great things about Chisasibi and not-so-great ones (which will be greatly outnumbered)

Peace and love all! (and please comment!)

First Day of Katimavik!

So, I was expecting an amazing experience, and, you know, it might actually be better than I was expecting (if that's even possible)  The hardships, now, seem incredibly minimal to the endless benefits of this program.


I was forewarned about the wild dogs here prior to my arrival, so I expected to see maybe a few, but it's crazier than I thought to be honest. They're wild, so they can carry diseases and what-not, so we're warned not to get too close with them.  Unfortunately, they're more social than I thought.


We walked about one block (maybe two?) and we saw three of them!  One was a little more rambunctious, one a little timid and the other might still be on our porch at this very moment. They respect humans, I pet their noses :)  They really are fun to have around, but I can only imagine that they can cause a lot of issues.


I'm in for a fantastic experience, I can guarantee it. I've only heard fantastic things about Chisasibi,  the people, the community and the culture.  It's so beautiful too.  Oh and if you plan on visiting, you can't drive. You just can't...  There are roads in Chisasibi as well, and when our project leader says it's the end of the road, he really means the end of the road, he means, anymore north and there are no more roads.

I can't wait to get to know some of the Cree culture here and meet some people in the community!

I haven't even mentioned my group!  There are 8 of us, since two had their flights delayed, so it was pretty relaxed today. The majority here speak English, but there are a few that speak French, so we try to switch between the two.  Even so far, I've learned a few words I forgot about, or didn't know, like cache-cou is a neckwarmer.  That was a great moment with Francois, since neither of us knew the word in the other language.  Shared learning FTW!

I feel strange being so anti social, pretty much in the middle of a card game haha!
My posts might get a little more Scatterbrained, or at least shortened since there will be so much going on around me all the time. (Just a forewarning, unless I learn to not get distracted which would be a huge plus!)

Oh and I made a goal for myself.  I tend to not speak up for myself when it comes to something that might make me a little uncomfortable (I always say I can deal with it)  but the only reason I don't speak up is because it's so meek of me. I don't even know what I'm afraid of, I guess I don't like putting other people to any trouble just for me.
But yes, my goal is to rid myself of that fear, and when I want something, I needn't be afraid to speak up.  In a group home of 11, I can't see learning that skill becoming an issue- it'll probably  come naturally.

PS, I dont think I'll be able to post pictures :(  unless special circumstances occur since our broadband is limited and it's really slow. (so far 6/8 of us have laptops)

Bussin' it to Montreal!

So, I thought it was more peaceful when everyone was asleep, and I sat, just staring at the drooling faces of all kinds of strangers around me!

Now I sit here, with heavy eyes, typin' away while I switch my eyes from the screen to the keyboard, the the creeper watching my bus partner/ fellow Katimavictim's [SUCH a big fan of this term hahaha] :)  laptop

** wishes I could convieniently put a little emoticon  with the thumbs up here for meeting my first fellow Katima-victim!
But, I'm definitely a fan of the quiet on the bus when all you see around you are the drooling faces of strangers for a moment, until you look back down at the book/laptop/whatever you're entertaining yourself. then, after a while, maybe you can even be one of those drooling faces!  It's actually pretty sweet!  No stress, it's like a moment where you can actually do absoloutely nothing at all, stare into space, and feel okay with it- because you're on a bus! (I feel like maybe I should write a song to the tune of "Im on a boat")

I'm really enjoying the whole blogging thing too.  I think I'll keep with it for a while, it makes me feel interesting.  It'd be nice to know that my posts are being read though!  I can see pageviews at least, whcih are a whopping... 9 since I started. Oh well...

oh and if these blogs are confusing because it is lacking the good ol' period, it's because it doesn't always work on this keyboard. Just warning you that I didn't suddenly lose my ability to use proper grammar on my way to Katima-world.

I have a feeling, for the next 6 months, everything will become prefixed with Katima- :D

Last day... %*$&^$@)

Mom, I drank some coffee, okay?  I'm irritable and moody- I can be irrational!
Well, maybe there's more to it.


I arrive at school. Late. (oops, I didn't realize it was that late...)  Awkwardly, since I didn't feel welcome, thinking I would be leaving to do my exam elsewhere.  So I sit down, hesitantly, anticipating the end of that first exam. But no. I must sit through a lesson first he says.  Jittery at this point, I could only feel the pressure in my head rising.  great...double cramming.  Thanks...  I must've been tired because I felt my eyes water as I tried to control my frustration as I took notes and listened to him speaking.


"Do I need to know this for the exam?" I hear myself asking.
 "No."


Thank Goodness... The pressure was still there though.


Exam One, done in no time.  Then, I go to the library,  return my pile of only half read books, see some friends and decide to get another coffee before the caf fills up.  COFFEEE!  (I only drink it on select days so when I do, I really feel it.) I don't normally drink a large either.


Then, I bring a gift to someone, once a stranger, that helped buy a very vital tool for only the greatest hobby ever: Photography.  I got my camera, my baby, my love, Zara because of his help.


Bill Green is this man


"It's never too late to say thank you," Mom says.
Well, to him I say, I can't thank you more, sir. And that gratitude will remain.


Next destination: Exam #2.
My teacher had to teach a class first, so at lunch, when I came to see her, she gave me guidelines for what to study and sent me to the library.
"Wow best studying I've ever done."
I was ready. Ready to be done with high school, ready to get home, get packin' and be off.  Then, anyway.


The exams were the easy part.  So was shopping for a jacket, pretty much the last possible minute. I lucked out too... the jacket I bought from Sportcheck is WARM, and was half off $300 and I decided not to get a sleeping bag.  I don't know how I would've accomplished all that without Jesse, what a beautiful girl she is (not just physically of course.) and my sister, the smartypants that knows the right questions to ask.  The number in my bank was pretty than I expected  as well, since I just got paid.  Oh, and I got marks back from projects, all exceeding way beyond my expectations. Bliss!


So, I made the mistake of leaving everything to last minute. Mom says "I told you so." Little did I know, she was feeling as much stress as I was (I didn't even know I was stressed- I just thought it was coffee crashing.) Also, I don't think running around going WHERE IS MY PACKING LIST, COMPUTER START WORKING! MOM CAN YOU DEAL WITH THIS helped either.
Then Hollie put her cellphone down and stood in front of me, halo shining over her head. After goofing around and realizing that wasn't going to work, she realized I just needed a good cry.
*barometer of Stacey's head decreases. I've never appreciated rain more.


As I'm feeling better, Mom doesn't and finds something small to blow up. An argument, with yelling, crying and emotion starts and I stay silent.  Even then, I felt better.  Not Mom though. Poor Mom.  I probably should have told her then that I loved her. That I do, and always will.


Advice to other future Katima-victims (term stolen from my friend in Katimavik, Luke but I think I saw it somewhere else...)
Buy your stuff, do your packing as early as you can.  You'll feel excited. Then you'll feel little. After that, without realizing it, you'll feel some stress and having too much to do last minute won't ease that feeling.


Well, maybe coffee had something to do with it...
But, it's an emotional thing, leaving your family and friends for half a year. You can be the most empathetic person in the world, but you'll never know what it truly feels like until you're standing in those hundred-dollar-boots you'll never where anywhere near your hometown, yourself.


2:35 AM... Who needs sleep?

PHOTO update- what!?!?!

So I just realized that all the photos I post on this blog will come up in the Picasa PhotoAlbum I created!


Here's the link again, and I think I'll make a page SOLELY for photos (and likely, maybe, eventually ditch my tumblr account.(which is www.staceyspeers.tumblr.com btw)

http://picasaweb.google.com/stacey.speers/StaceySBlog?authkey=Gv1sRgCNCGlJ6StqmcVw#

Chisasibiiiii!

So, the other day, I actually emailed the editor of the local Chisasibi Newspaper called  the Waaskimaashtaau, a Cree word, meaning a very bright light from the sun. 


The website says that they encourage people to submit, so I told him who I was, what I do (writing editorials for the mercury as well as taking photographs being one of my primary hobbies.)  He informed me that his sister has a home in Guelph!  Small world eh?


I was just looking at some pictures of something, I think I googled the northern lights and a picture from Chisasibi appeared. So I found Jimmy Sam, labelled as a "Cree photographer", who lives guess where... it'd be cool to meet him and learn some tricks!  But I might just be dreaming... Gosh, I love photography so much, maybe I should teach photography in a college or something instead of French to little children. I could probably do both actually. We'll see.


So anyway, I wanted to post some of his pictures because they're gorgeous and I really want to take pictures like this!

 This could be by me some day...  If I get really lucky that is...

 I don't know if I could pull this one off...

 Unbelievable...

And Dad, This one's for you!  I heard there's some really great fishing and hunting in Chisasibi. Which is partially what makes it so authentic I'm assuming.

PICTURES. :D

So, I'm figuring out how to upload pics to the internet so I won't have to access this computer all the time for photos and I put some on Picasa web albums :D  


There are a lot of doubles (sometimes I resize photos and save them more than once, so I'm trying to figure out how to get ride of the doubles... bear with me on this one, but I'd rather not spend my time on such details.)
Here's the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/stacey.speers/StaceySBlog?authkey=Gv1sRgCNCGlJ6StqmcVw#

Seeds, they grow, and they blossom. One day anyway...

So it's 2011, and I figured I should come up with some reflections on 2010 and goals/resolutions for this year. 

Some questions I figure might be important to reflect on (for myself and I'd like to hear from others as well :) just to get you started on some reflecting)

1. What happened this year? If I could give it a title, what would it be?
2. What are some new friends I've made?
3. What are some new things I've discovered about myself?
4. How do I feel I've developed or changed as a person this year?
5. When did I feel most comfortable?
6. What/Who will I miss most?
7. What accomplishments am I most proud of?
8. What am I choosing to let go of to make next year different?
9. What inspiration is going to keep me motivated for 2011?
10. How do I think I'm going to change in the next year, or what do I need to change?

(Pardon me, if this becomes a long post...)

I could probably give this passing year a name once I reflect more on what happened and how things have panned out.
So this year, I finished high school in June, and continued in Sept., went to Summer school, got a third dog, saw my grandfather marry again, as well as my cousin, and two friends.  I got my assistant black belt in Tae Kwon Do, improved my photography knowledge and skills a great deal, got some writing experience by getting published in the paper and in a book for a short story as well. Photography experience and knowledge from a wedding, a class, a friend (Shawn), camp, and winning the second contest!  I developed closer relationships with some friends, mostly the same as last year.  I've had more relationships (3) than ever in my life, each one enhancing my knowledge of myself in one way or another- which might mean that maybe I can just roll on my own now, discovering these things without intimacy. I've also developed closer relationships with my family (especially my brother, who, I've discovered, has a similar sense of humour)

I suppose this year has really just been a continuation of last year for me.  I took everything I started last year at least one step further. Like journalism, for example. I did a co-op in 2009, and took part in the Community Editorial Board this year.  In Tae Kwon Do, which I started last year, I got my black belt, and I started to become a lot closer with some of the people I made friends with in gr. 11, that I got even closer with last year and now, I feel I know many of them very well :) I also started photography in 2008 when I went to Europe, then in 2009 when I got the Lumix G1 Camera and even more so this year with my canon T1i SLR!

Things I've accomplished, hmm... well, doing well in school, for one.  I maintained the 85 average I want and am taking it even higher this semester (hopefully, if I don't screw up now!) I also have a better idea of what I really like doing: teaching (from Tae Kwon Do and camp), writing/sharing experiences and photography: my favourite hobby!  Which will help me pursue a career of which I will feel passionate about, really enjoy and feel fufilled!

One thing I miss, though, is being outside more, and I think living in a native community for three months and volunteering for 6 might just help that one!  If that doesn't help, at least I'll feel better fufilled from volunteering!

Things I want to do less:
-Get distracted
-Bite my nails
-Go on Facebook only to creep
-Procrastination of projects
-complain

Things  I want to do more:
-yoga
-read
-write: trying new things, creative things
-plan
-fitness/eat healthier

2. What are some new friends I've made?
  Camp people, Shawn (who I met last year, New Year's Eve!) Anastasia and friends, people from McDonald's and I think that's it.

3. What are some new things I've discovered about myself?
    Well, I know better what I want from someone in a relationship for one.  Balance is probably the biggest thing.  And what I want in life.  I feel like everything is more clear and organized in my mind, and I've developed some things I feel passionate about. 
    I've also learned that one of my biggest fears is being stuck in a group of people where I don't feel I belong, I'm not pulling my weight, or I just don't fit in or click with anyone.  I've found that I tend to make friends with people who are less selfish, because I tend to befriend the people that will listen to me.  I will welcome any new face with open arms, so long as they are interested in what I have to say. Maybe it's a little selfish, but I do really appreciate admiration, which is why I like teaching so much.  Because I can earn the respect of another and see their improvement in whatever the field.  I feel more satisfied, they feel more satisfied and we can share something together.  It's very profound to me.
    I can also sometimes get very hormonal and can only control my temper if I'm around people and don't want them to see me the way I really feel. Even then I find it difficult. I think before, I just didn't recognize when I was hormonal- I just figured whatever was triggering me was the issue.
    Often, I'd just rather not care about my healthy habits.  It's so much more convenient, and I'm more down-to-earth because I'm on the same level as everyone around me. I guess I just need to immerse myself in the right atmosphere.
 
4. How do I feel I've developed or changed as a person this year?
   I know what I want more than anything.

5. When did I feel most comfortable?
   At camp, when I felt settled.  The campers apprecitated my efforts and so did the camp.  I nearly cried when they offered me a "raising the bar"  because in the beginning, my confidence was so low, but apparently being a caring person makes the world of a difference.
  But also, just before camp, when I was dating Justin and I was feeling really comfortable at home, finally.  Getting along with my parents and laughing more with my brother, seeing my sister more.  I honestly pictured myself with Justin a really long time too. And then it just faded I guess.  Although, I've never felt more confident than when I was mature enough to realize that it wasn't going to work and ended it right then and there.

6. What/Who will I miss most?
    Mom. coming home to dogs that rush to the door, begging me for my affection, home.

8. What am I choosing to let go of to make next year different?
   Everything that feels farmiliar. Everything that makes me feel comfortable.

9. What inspiration is going to keep me motivated for 2011?
   Adventure, peace and looking forward to every day being miles from my ordinary life
.
10. How do I think I'm going to change in the next year, or what do I need to change?
Improvements...
Hmm. Well, I think I'll be more mature in that I will be more self-sufficient.  I'll make new friends that I will likely depend on to make me feel happy or sad, but it's going to be hard at first. I'm going to be in a foreign place, with foreign people, surrounded by foreign culture, language and everything imaginable. But with everything being so foreign, I'm going to learn to adapt really quickly, and let go of my fear of not fitting in or feeling a part of something. 
Hopefully, I'll learn to be more responsible.  I'll be looking after myself and I'll learn more of the home-ey duties as I started to this year. 
And I'm sure I'll discover new interests while I'm away.

Who knows-maybe I'll develop a new love for collecting pet rocks!

So all together, I suppose I could call this year the year the seeds began to grow.  Last year, I started some things, planted seeds and now I'm growing up, with the help of a great family support system and nutrient-rich soil and perhaps the year I decide to bloom will come soon enough!
Ooo. Maybe I should think about a seed as my next tattoo...sounds ugly right now, but it probably won't be another year until that idea develops into something more!

As for 2011, I thought about making a specific resolution, but, since I'm an ambitious person, I know that there's always room for improvement, so I'll just leave it at that.  Nothing too specific, just improvements everywhere I'm lacking.

So cheers to 2011!