And... I'm off.

Another late night.

I love so slow, especially when packing.
Goodbye Mom, Goodbye Dad.
Goodbye Guelph, see you at Christmas!

As I'm tweaking my resume again to give to the school, I'm thinking, what if?
Well, in good time, it will all come.  So let's take this plunge and hope for the best.

LOL (lots of love),

Stacey

Some Photos From Home!

So there are some photos here from my outing with Shawn :)  And my cousin and I playing outside ;)  I was impressed with how some turned out (even the ones Matt took!)

Shootin' through the colour thing.




Ponderer?



:)

Isn't his hair cool? Mom did it!

Matt took this.  I thought it was pretty artistic actually.  Turned out nicely :)

Same with this one. I think he put some thought into it.  As you can see the perspective. Well done Matt! (A natural!)

Me now.  I took this with Shawn

Dragonfly

Deer!  A DOE!



Grass-face.



Pictures from BC!

Check 'em out on my facebook!

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150268120428558.339065.515233557&l=8def53ef97&type=1

 

Bee Lab!

So I went to the Bee lab with Jesse! :)  and Loved it!



I took a few sweet pics too :)
Enjoy!

The "nuke", nuclear hive.

A cell.  That's where the queen came out.

Beekeepers in training. I know: we're legit.

You might like to zoom in on this, but it's a drone! :) "sooo cute!" says Jesse :)

Surrounding!

JUST TRY IT! :)

I just have to say...

I'm writing all this because I know there are more out there that feel the same way, that they no longer belong in the world they grew up in, and that sometimes, the people that need to understand for it all to feel better just don't, even if they say they do.

I made some sauerkraut this afternoon!  I used the recipe that Kathryn at Northern Sun showed us when I was in Katimavik :)  I think it'll be really good! I shall post the recipe! 

I asked my cousin to help me massage it (that's the best part!)  and he did it for about, well, maybe 1 or 2 minutes and said "my hands are cold, I don't want to do this anymore."  I'm not going to make him do anything, but it just reminded me that open-mindedness isn't natural for everyone.  It's sometimes something learned, and not everyone will always be open-minded. 
"Why do you like making things now?  Why can't you just buy it?" He said. 

My parents see it the same way. 

"Man, I'm not going to eat any other bread now that I've had yours!" 
Dad loves the bread I've been making, which is a real relief- at least they can appreciate it!  I tried teaching mom and dad how to make it once.  They were watching TV and I came into the living room and showed them how to knead, I even asked them if they wanted to try to get a feel. "I don't want to touch it, " my mom said. 

"Well, you'll have to make it yourself," I said to my dad. 

But I doubt they ever will.

They can't seem to get a grasp of my perspective.  What upsets me is that they don't want to try anything other than what they do every day.  They don't know how to see things other than the way they already see it anymore.  They don't know how to think afar from the screen. 

"You don't think we were 19 once," they said to me when I told them they didn't understand. 
It's not that I'm 19 now.  There's so much more to it now.  All the things I felt before and thought were irrational, I know now, were completely rational. 
"Just accept it. It's never going to change." My friend told me. 

It's true.  But it's so much easier to accept when it doesn't affect you. 

I hope anyone reading this (if there's any) doesn't get the sense that I'm still whining.  It's just the truth.  And I'm sure there are more people out there that can relate to how I'm feeling right now.  And whoever you are, I hope this makes you feel a little better.  You'll find home someday!

Here's the recipe to the sauerkraut (best at least 2-3 weeks after canning but ok one week after.)

1 medium cabbage

1 tbsp caraway seeds

3 tbsp sea salt

1. Sanitize jars and lids!
2. Cut the cabbage in thin slices, put in a big clean bowl (bowl should have lots of space for later.)
3. Add caraway seeds, Sea salt.
4. Clean your hands, then massage the cabbage, pushing the water out.  The salt will bring out the water from the cabbage and in about 10-15 minutes, the bowl will have lots of bubbles and water.  When it looks like the cabbage is nearly covered with the liquid, you're done!
5. Pack into clean jars (push the cabbage down!) So that it's as tight as you can make it (just to fit more, really.)  The cabbage should be completely covered with liquid and there should be about an inch or so of space on the top.  Don't be afraid to use your hands and smush them in! (You already used your hands to massage 'em!)
6. Screw the lids on REAL tight.
7. Wait at least a week before consuming (and try to only use clean utensils, don't mix with other things!)  Remember, this is forming some awesome bacteria in it that are awesome probiotics for your body, so you don't want to make any new icky ones you don't want!
   TIP: the longer you wait, the better it tastes because it soaks delicious flavour from the caraway seeds!
   ANOTHER TIP: If it stinks, like putrid-y, trust your scent, don't eat it.  It isn't likely to make you sick, but go with you gut, really.  These happen sometimes.  I haven't seen it, but that's what I've heard!
   
   You can eat it with your hot dogs (but don't expect it to taste like store-bought crap. Salads, soups and it's just really good for flavouring tons of stuff! 
   
   It's easy eh?  So simple and SOOOOO delicious!  Ya cannnn't buy dis stuff mon!  So ya gotts to make it!

No more whining.

Well, I'm awfully moody and hate to say that I've let it take me way too far.

I need to be done with this.

And, like Alex said (in other words), to stop being a baby. 

I'm sorry Mom, Dad, Matthew (my cousin that has joined us for a week or two.) and Charlie (I yelled at my dog when he barked) for being short tempered these past few days. I hope I'm never like that again.  I honestly can't even remember the last time I was this awful.

But I found the cordless phone, and a checque that was lost a long time ago, so despite losing my dads keys among other things, I'm starting to feel better.
I can't blame the stress on anyone but mysef, really. 

So let's break these bad habits and be the Stacey I like.

No more whining.

Not so well.

Feeling stressed.  Overwhelmed.

I don't have a for sure job in Chisasibi.  I don't know where I'm living in Chisasibi. My room is a disaster and it seems like nothing in my extensive To do list is getting complete.

And this house doesn't feel like home anymore.

I'm eating unhealthily and even impulsively, not exercising enough, not doing what I enjoy and even letting myself sit in front of the TV too much. (Even though I hate it!)

I don't like this me.  I need this change.  I want my own place, to make my own food, and my own schedule. (Even if it surrounds the school's.)  I need some peace and quiet.  I want to manage my own life and no longer be dependant on anyone else for money or anything.

And yes, there's a big part of me that wants to move to Winnipeg to be with Sam, but I need to develop my own ways of doing things first, and so does he.  (Mind you, he's always had his own ways and no one could possibly change that...)    But independance...  It hurts to be here now, but I know what I think is best.

I'm not well, but I want to be, and I hate that all I want to do is shush my mind for a while so I don't feel like I have to cry.

What I need is peace.

New definition of "home."

Home is not where your house is.  It's where your heart is.  It's where you are comfortable, where you are most at ease, where you have a life that hopefully, satisfies you most.

And my parents' house in Guelph, I've discovered, is not my 'home.'  It's a house, the one I grew up in, the one that has all my things from my past life.  But my home, where my life is now, right now, seems to be at Northern Sun Farm.  It's certainly a special place that I hold dear to me, but it might not be my home forever... we'll see. 

Home is where you feel loved.  Sure, my mom and dad love me, but I don't feel our lifestyles can be in synch, since what my family does and what I believe to be what is satisfying aren't at all the same.  I feel frustrated and I truly, as I once predicted, I believe that I could not live here happily.

NEW MUZAK!

Loving all the new music I'm hearing, and since I love when people share their music with me, I'll share!

I went to the Mill Race folk fest with Jesse and Carla and I found this awesome feature a while ago on Grooveshark.com.  Folk Radio.  It's hit and miss sometimes, but different stuff, mostly which is A+!  I learned that I really love the sound of the punjabi drums with the flute and some traditional indian music.

Galitcha- a really great Punjabi/Indian Folk/French band.  The name means tapestry.  So their music incorporates a lot of different stuff!  Flute, Sax, Doldrum, Punjabi drums (dont know the name), even some Chinese violin!

Bon Débarras- a really fun québécois folk band!  I'd say comparable to Les Colocs!  Really multi-talented performers too! 

Zubrivka- ukrainian folk.  Yeah, ukrainian and it was so much fun! 

Noah and the Whale- Well, they're not as unknown, but awesome nonetheless!

Delhi 2 Dublin- mix of Irish and Indian. They also incorporate some electronic in their music too!  They're really good performers on top of that!  (I just watched a video)

Imagined Village- An English band that also incorporates Irish and Indian music.  They just make an awesome mix!  I googled Irish Indian music and came accross them.

I was also introduced to a lot of new music when in Katimavik, which excites me :) 
Music is always good :) and I've really found a deeper appreciation for it after learning to play a little with it myself!

Gone Gone Going

Well, Katimavik is over.
And I already had the courage to hitch hike from Winnipeg to BC and back. 
And my time at the Sun Farm is over, for now. 

Now I'm at this place I used to call my "home."  I suppose it is, as my parents are here, my friends and the place I grew up, but it doesn't feel much like "home."  In fact, I don't really feel like I have just one home anymore.  Hence, the desire to go here, hence the continuing desire to go here there and everywhere. 

I'm realizing more and more what love is, and how blessed I am to have so much to cherish and so much to give in this life.  I know what it's like to leave those I love, and to find that independance I need from those that will always be there for me. 

I know better how to deal with my emotions, how to express myself and be at ease with my decisions and whatever comes at me. 

I've learned so much, and yet it seems like nothing has really changed.  But now, I haven't any fear of being radical, different or just doing what really makes sense to me.  I have courage, and that's the biggest difference.

Right now, I miss my family and friends at the farm.  Sure, they're not blood related, but they will always be in my heart.  Their perspectives changed so much for me, and I don't think I can ever forget that.  So I'll be back there some day, I'm sure.  The uncertainty hurts sometimes, but in good time, I will become more at ease with it. 
For now, my next adventure is back to Chisasibi!  Now, I guess it's my turn to inspire.

So here goes!!!