Bring it baaaack!

I SENT THIS TO MY MP, SEND ONE TO YOURS TOO! :)

Dear Frank Valeriote,

Do you believe that the youth of today are the future of tomorrow?  Surely that's obvious enough, but Harper government doesn't seem to agree.

"Fearless" is the word a fellow Katimavik housemate called me near completion of the program.  Before that, I'd been picked on in school, hiding in the library from my peers and red-faced during presentations in front of the class. Saying that Katimavik changed my life would be an understatement.  Katimavik changed my whole perspective, my way of interaction and cooperation with others, it gave me the resources to learn new ways of living and choose my own, and it gave me the confidence to do what no one has ever done before.

If you're not already aware, Katimavik is a government-funded program that allows youth 17-21 to take part in full-time volunteer work in 2 different communities, while living in a house with 10 other youth from across Canada.

My experience began in Chisasibi, northern Quebec and ended where I am now in Steinbach, Manitoba.  I’ve returned to both communities and found a home now in three places and family all across Canada.

In Chisasibi, a northern Cree community, children living in poverty found a safe place in our home, held our hands before knowing our names and often called my name whenever I was in public Chisasibi.  It didn't matter who we were- if we listened to what they had to say, they told us a lot-more than we sometimes could even understand.  Katimavik volunteers were requested at every community event, and made  a true impact in the community, even running the school library when the new school opened in January. I returned to this native Cree community after the program and my volunteer experience lead to teaching grades from grade 1 up to the Quebec Secondary 4.  On the last day, an assembly was held by the school just for me, leaving me with tears of joy, knowing I was not only accepted, but appreciated.  In Chisasibi, I experienced sweat lodges, a shake tent and volunteered for several community events. The first time I left, I didn’t cry because somehow I knew I would return and somehow my spirit found its way back a second time as a much more active and involved part of the community.  I returned because I wanted to give back to this community that had given me so much self-discovery, confidence and peace of mind . 

In Steinbach, I worked with people with mental disabilities, and may even return to work there again since I've returned to Winnipeg to live with my boyfriend who I lived with in the two weeks I billeted during Katimavik.  He never did Katimavik, but knew a lot of "Katimavictims" on the off-the-grid community farm where he grew up so he knows all about it and has experienced much of the same lifestyle: making bread, living with people from across Canada and being frugal as well as resourceful.

Katimavik didn't just change the path of which I took in my life but it gave me the confidence to speak up and say what I think, the courage to do something no one had never done before and the knowledge to find my own way of living.  Katimavik gave me the opportunity to be that person I always wanted to be.  It introduced me to endless learning about culture, relationships, co-operative decisions and being an involved citizen in my country.  So many youth do what they think they’re supposed to do, but we should be doing what we want to do, what we need to do to make ourselves better people and that’s what Katimavik makes us do.

Please don't let Katimavik slip away, please bring it back! Our country needs this program to go on.  Katimavik has to live on, so make it a priority in parliament for youth of today and tomorrow.Yours truly,

Stacey Speers

-- Check out my Katimavik blog! www.staceyspeers.blogspot.com

Katimavik is Dead!

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Education isn't making us any smarter

Well, since I don't have a whole lot of interesting things to say about what I'm doing these days-mostly job searching and working at a daycare. So, I thought I'd write about something that's been on my mind- an opinion, which is far more interesting than events, I'm sure.

Here's the problem: The education system as it currently works doesn't make us any smarter.  I used to think that learning to read early, learning mathematics early and how to do things a certain way was always favourable.  Since I met a few people that are incredibly intelligent in my life experience, I've learned that what really makes us smarter is being able to ask lots of questions about how things work, what they do, what's around us and get answers early so that we can continue to search for the answers from our questions.  Thus, what makes us smarter is having the ability to ask questions and get answers.

You see, the problem is, that in school, for example, as a child, we are not fully responsible for our learning because we don't need to ask questions. All the information you need to know is presented right in front of you.  If you have a question and the teacher doesn't know the answer, you simply don't need to know and that's what we're learning at a very young age.  With this in mind, we learn to accept that we don't know about a lot of things, and at some point, we pass the curiosity stage and we stop asking questions.

The food we eat is a prime example.  Could you tell me what's in, say, a frozen pizza?  Not just the toppings, but in the crust, the cheese and what preservatives keep it fresh.  Well, I know I couldn't tell you, and sure, you can look at what's on the label, but when you  eat it, do you really think about what you're putting in your body?  Most of the time, we don't even think about such and we swallow whatever is presented in front of us.

We accept that we don't know, and we don't wonder, because we're accustomed to not knowing, which is a dangerous way to be, not just for our bodies, but for our minds, but our souls and overall brain stimulation.

There are many issues in our education system, but here's one that irks me, because I don't see how it could possibly make sense for the individual's well-being: group teaching and teaching by age, not ability and teaching as well as teaching the general majority.  Here's my problem with this: no two people learn the same way.  Sure, the majority of people learn better when, in general, more parts of the brain are stimulated (visual, auditory, tactile, ect.) and we know this, but everyone learns at a different pace, each day varies for focus (without focus, the time is practically wasted, really) and a person's mood varies a great deal.  Furthermore, teaching by age rather than ability doesn't make much sense to develop cognitive thinking, since it's likely that most of the time, at least half the class is either bored out their skulls, and the other half are in over their heads.  Let's not just group the 'slow' ones together and the 'smart' ones together though, because then there's no motivation for the slow ones to speed up.  The other thing is teaching the majority, which is crazy, since there's no possible way one could please every single student all the time, and assure that each individual is developing their potential.  In fact, I believe this only takes the pressure to develop off the student and puts it fully onto the teacher, which is a really big problem for students in the north.  I won't get too far into examples from the north, but students don't need to bring their own materials to school, which is one thing that really bothered me, since they were not as careful not to lost things and it's one example of how they are not responsible for themselves.

And last, but not least, our ability to figure out how to do things for ourselves is completely shattered by the school system.  "Just wait until I tell you what to do," I've heard teachers say.  Often, we're shown what to do, before we even know what it is we have to do.  Tell me the problem first, then give me some time to figure it out, and eventually, I will. That is, if it's not too hard. Instead, we're given a formula or specific way to do it so we can learn faster and to follow a certain recipe rather than trying to work it out for ourselves.  Following a formula is easy.  Creating a formula?  Well, for me, at least, seems nearly impossible now.  I know someone that creates his own formulas just from how he makes sense of how the numbers work and he would come out with the same correct answer in the end.  He just didn't always get the marks for this, since he didn't show his work. In our education system as it is, there's just not enough time to teach such skills, seeing as this takes much more time than to teach a formula.  For example, how did whoever figure out that you need to borrow when subtracting?  I have no idea, but if I wasn't taught this skill so early, I might have figured this out myself if I felt motivated to do so.
This person I know made working mechanical structures I couldn't even consider when he was just 11 or 12 years old with never having been to school.

What I think makes a person intelligent is individual learning by oneself combined with getting answers from another knowledgeable individual.  Above all, the ability to learn by oneself by thinking and making sense of things, without books or prior knowledge is what makes a person most intelligent, which school does not and can not possibly teach.

The more time I spend with young children, the more I think about why each individual would act a certain way, why I act a certain way and what development caused such, and I keep thinking that a lot of the damage, in the end, goes right back to the base: our education and what we consider to be teaching learning in common society.  Thus, it is evident enough, my opinion stands clear that with the current educational system and common cultural ways, we're digressing development of our own cognitive ability to think, creating a stagnation in the brain cells.


Note:  Though this is written much like an essay, no topic-specific research was done on this topic.  Rather, this was developed as a result of observation and life experience.  Thus, proving my opinion that life experience is more valuable than education or scholar learning can be more beneficial for a person.

Boredom

Well, I don't normally blog as a result of boredom, but here I am.
I guess I don't often get bored, but again, here I am a bit bored and yet there's so much I could be doing.
I'm recovering from the flu and I feel smelly so I would rather not go anywhere.  Instead, I'll just waste a day away here in my bedroom, listening to some music and doing the things I meant to a long time ago, just never had/made enough time to do it all because it wasn't on my priority list.
So right now I'm making some things to send back up north.  Unfortunately, the original letters I wrote were lost somewhere :(  So I'm making some new ones.  I'm a bit annoyed I lost it all because it took me hours to do. (In the truck, on the way up to Winnipeg!)  I also tried uploading pictures on Facebook and it wouldn't work for some reason :(  Then my computer was being slow.
The computer, I guess, just isn't having a great day!

Well, since this first paragraph was pretty boring, maybe I'll think of something interesting to say!

I entered a poem in a contest today.  I doubt I'll win but it was fun and made me feel good anyway just doing it!
And I think this picture speaks a lot for itself...

Me in Chisasibiiii! :)

Christovski :)

Living to Love WINTERpeg

Well, I'm in Winnipeg now, with Sam!
Funny I ended back here I guess.  Going back and fourth between my Katimavik placements.  Katimavik is over now, but the people I met through it, the things I learned in it and the places I went, they'll always be in my heart.

I can't say I'm much of a city person.  So taking the bus has been a bit frustrating at times.  Being alone, I don't mind.  Being alone among people is different- that's lonely.  In Chisasibi, I rarely felt alone among people because there was always a familiar face in every place.  I'm learning to adapt, and things are slowly getting better though.

There are a lot of good things about being in the city too.  Sweet shops all over the place.  "DERICIOUS" (delicious) restaurant all over, better grocery stores and everything just seems to be right at your fingertips.  You forgot to pick something up?  Well, it's on the way from here to there.  The main thing that makes a difference though, is living with Sam.  Well, we have our differences sometimes, but we always sort things out and for the most part, everything just feels effortless around him.  He's quite patient, considerate and well informed about everything.  As we get used to each other, we're noticing more and more differences, which can make things more challenging, but that, and learning to accept or not accept those are a big part of being in a relationship with someone.  It's hard sometimes, because you have someone with you all the time, being a part of so many of your everyday little decisions, questioning your reasoning for doing things a certain way or making certain decisions.  It really forces you to think about it more.  It's so different when you live with the person, share your space with them and do everything with them and be in an intimate relationship.  It forces you to think even more about every little thing you do and how they can affect that person.  Evidently, it's another part of life that changes completely how you see and do things.

So I guess if I were to make this part of my life into a chapter it would just simply be living to love.  I'm not going to school or really working on my career, but really, I'm just here to learn to love myself and one other. (Well, one in particular.)  Honestly, that seems to be my main focus these days, since I'm not working a lot :S

Another nice thing about Winnipeg is the music and events always going on!  Sunday, we went to see a cute French film called Le Havre.  It was rather different, a bit strange sometimes, but overall I thought it was really cute and I liked it.  There was also a Free movie festival (which we didn't end up going to)  and this weekend there's an open mic folk event.  We probably won't go since we're going to the farm but I love that kind of stuff!  Then, we have some friends here that we've been able to visit a couple times, and more that we plan to see!

All in all, I'm well, and I plan to keep up with my blog so long as I'm not feeling overwhelmed with school and what-not.

Peace and Love to everyone in my hometown!  And wish me luck on my job search!

My love.

"Strawberries 2.99 each"
Those are some expensive strawberries!

BRIIIIIIII!  Isn't she so beautiful!  :) I'm going to miss her!

Well I guess I could've edited this before posting like this but it's far more interesting upside down isn't it?
Sam and I put a map of the world up so the world would be at our feet and we could put pins where we've been and want to go and pictures of the places we've been :)  I'm excited! :)

"Home is Wherever I'm with you"

I'm in GTOWN!

The title is from a song I heard when I was in Katimavik.  It's by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes.
Also, a certain special someone (guess who!)  said this to me and I thought it was so sweet because it was straight from the heart.

Well, it was funny at first to leave.  " What did I miss..." I found myself thinking.
The first thing that came to mind was, surprisingly The Dollar Store just because I remembered buying tissue paper for $4.  Otherwise though, I honestly couldn't think of anything I really missed other than my friends and family.  I guess I was so busy it really didn't matter that there was no Tim Horton's (Not on every corner like Guelph!)  Or like 4 pharmacies within 2 km of my house, or options for different restaurants.  All those luxuries, I honestly didn't miss them that much.  And seeing the road is just weird!

I love the winter in Chisasibi!  It's gorgeous and I wouldn't change a single thing about it.  I would just learn to drive better on the icy roads since I suck...
Once I was having lunch at the mitchuap with Judy and a little girl came up to me and said "hey, I saw you the other day!  You were in a red car and my dad almost hit you!"
I slipped at a stop sign and she was in the truck behind me and I guess he was trying to turn or something, but I ended up in a pile of snow but there was no damage other than a red face of embarrassment then and when she brought it up since it was Judy's car.  Needless to say, my driving definitely needs improvement...

Sam came here a day after I arrived!  It was a longer drive than I thought- 26-28 hours! @#E&Q#^$(  holay molayyy!  But it's been so incredible being with him, introducing where I came from, all the awesome and less than awesome things about my sometimes awesome family. (overuse of the word awesome noted.)

But don't you awesome people forget to keep following my awesome blog! (okay, okay I got it!  enough awesome...)
Because I'll keep updating, just, now it'll probably be either more of my thoughts and theories on life and love and less about events that happen in my life (since I feel I've had quite a bit of excitement this year, not that it'll be much less excitement since I'm moving to a new city that's BIG and I'll be on a job hunt... :O boring...)  Also, now that I've gotten a little life experience here, there and a little bit of everywhere, I have some knowledge to base my theories (for the most part.)

So keep reading!
And hopefully I'll post some pictures eventually (maybe- no promises.)

Last Day in 'Sasibi

I'd definitely say I've never felt more appreciated by a whole community than I did today. 
I think that's what I came back for.  That feeling that I've really accomplished something, that I've stepped out of the box of conventional options for 'what to do next' and done something that few have ever done before.  And boy, did people ever make me feel like everything I went through, everything I saw and every moment of my time here in Chisasibi was well worth it. 

So I did some running around today so I could see all my friends before I go.  Yesterday, I was looking at my to do list and I said "I feel a little overwhelmed" to Mike.  He told me to prioritize and if I dont finish everything, not to worry.  Well, I was determined to complete this To-do list today and you know what, I did! My to do list consisted of visits and easy things like going to the band council and bank so it wasn't that difficult or unfun, so I'm not sure why I ever felt overwhelmed.  I guess a few things came up- Judy wanted me to look after the kids, for example, but I had no reason to fret.  I just hadn't thought how I'd make it all work out. 

Anyway, I delivered some Christmas cards (I think I even missed a bunch of important people to be honest :S)  But they all found their way to the people! :)

So my day starts off really nicely- I got a pretty paycheque for all the time they missed. :D
Then, another one from the band office for the action program :) 
So then I went back to the school later just to buy mittens (because I'd seen them before. and decided it was probably my last chance to get the mittens I want!)  They said James Bay Eeyou School on them.  Well, I got to the office and they were gone!  Rosalind told me to go see Susan in her class.  So when I got there, she had the mittens and I gave her all the money I had! (they were a little more expensive than I thought they'd be but that's alright.)  I was pretty happy with them, but I mentioned that I would have preferred the logo and just by chance, Margaret came in with a pair with the logo, saying "ohh I'll buy them after the holidays." 
I was sooo excited!  "NO WAY!" I said. 
Again, if you want something badly enough, it'll come to you.  Thanks Chisasibi. :)
Then, I went back to the office and was asked to sign a card for a friend.  Well, I put it on Rosalind's desk and I see another card.  "Ooh!  this is a nice picture!  Is this another one I should sign?" I opened it and I see my name.  Whoops!  Oh man, I laughed so hard! 
Then I went to visit my friend to wish them well and I came back to the office.  "Can I have my card now so I can go?" 
"Rita has to sign it!"  She said.


Rita is one of the principals who mentioned yesterday that she really appreciated my work at JBES, and that I'll really be missed there.  It meant a lot coming from her because she always seems to be in a hurry at school.  She just talks so fast and she seems so efficient that I don't always comprehend everything she's saying, and sometimes I was even a little less apt to approach her because she's that way. I understand though.  Anyway, it meant a lot to me that she told me this, and I really felt it was sincere.

Well, I waited around for a bit, saw some friends that came by the office, got sneak-hug-attacked by Chris :)  (glad I saw him) and said goodbye to a few others :)  So, then Rita made an announcement for all the secondary students and teachers to go to the agora for an assembly. Well, there weren't very many people there, but all the teachers came and Rita put her hand over my eyes and guided me there.  I thought she was just pulling my leg, that it was just a chance for her to communicate what's happening next week, but everybody just made a little circle and Judy D. started right away with "We just wanted to thank Stacey for all her contributions at the school...."  I couldn't believe it. I thought I was dreaming! 
She gave me a card with a gift in it.  It didn't matter what it was, the fact that they did this much for me meant a lot, and the support I had in this community-it's enough to make my departure a bit more bitter.

It's a really good feeling to leave a place feeling missed. 

A bunch of people signed the card and the gift was a hair piece - one I was actually going to buy!  And a beautiful pair of earrings that match.  Man, I was crying sooo much!  It was a little embarrassing, but I made light of it!  Then I proceeded to say "Thanks so much guys, and honestly, I really felt this is such an important place for me, because I really felt like I grew up a lot here... it was really the time when my perspective shifted from just myself to the realization that others are around me, which usually comes much later in life."  (maybe not word for word, but that's along the lines of what I said.)
I was just so touched by the fact that they'd gone out of their way to show their appreciation for me and I got a lot of hugs and handshakes from people I barely even got to know! Every one of them seemed to sincerely  appreciate my presence, and I feel truly, deeply gratified for it.

Then, I went home to Judy's.  (I corrected myself when I said "home" on the phone with Judy and she said "no, home." And I could feel her smiling)  Wes made the pizza and fries and I made a weird salad (as usual) that the kids didn't feel like eating haha.   Well, I got to have a mini-dance party with the munchkins, and Wes even posed for a few pictures with us! (I gotta post those!)



But honestly, I've never, ever felt more appreciated in my life.
And that's why I loved it here so much.
I'm onto the next chapter of my life though.  So here goes, to being a little fish in a big pond again, starting elsewhere anew.
I know I'll be okay, but starting anew at any time is hard, especially when you feel like you've built something really beautiful into people's memories.
Maybe I'll visit in the summer- Mamweedow, I said. 
"We'll see where life takes me..."

Sweat, Collage and more...

So the power went out for a week!
And last night I went to a sweat- FINALLY! Yay!  It was really interesting this time, having gone alone.

In my time off from school, I've been relieved to have had time to think a little about Christmas, to think about what I've done here, what has been doing to me!  (Yeah I know it sounds awkward, but all the things around me that have changed me a little.)Monday, I even made a collage with some brochures of Northern Quebec.  It turned out pretty nice, but I realized that there's a lot I never saw here.  Like Caribou.  I still have yet to see a single one... And I really didn't spend much of my time outside, connecting with nature like I hoped I would.  Nor did I learn much of the language. But I was really busy the whole time I was here.  Teaching, doing action programs, and constantly socializing, really.  And that's not all bad.  I learned a lot from that! And I'm a really social person after all.
I also realized that there's a lot I did experience, some of it not represented in pictures of native traditional crafts and nature, but in being aware of my own openness, often getting others to open up a little more to me.

I said to someone yesterday- I really appreciated my experience, especially upon my return because I felt that was when the shift of 'mememe' really came about.  For most people, I said, "it comes much later."  And it's true.  I've learned to fend for myself, to ask for things when I need them and sometimes even when I want them. 
"I hate asking for things," I said to Mike, "I don't know why, it's just..."
"You don't like mooching, you said."
"Yeah, true," I said.
"You just have to learn to differentiate upon what is a reasonable request and what isn't. That comes in good time." 

Mike's good with giving wise words once in a while.  I like Mike.  I think I love him... (inside joke.)  - and he's like an older brother. 

The thing is here, I've made lots of friends and even some, what feel like family.  I've made some really close connections and I'll be sad to leave, for sure, but really happy to go, and to have this as a part of my life.  It's been a real, pardon me for the cliche, but, life-changing experience.  I've seen so much here, and I've really grown up.  Now, as much as I can detest it at times, I'm an adult, and I can take care of myself.  But here, I learned not just to take care of myself, but others too.  To provide support for those who do for me, and to be present in the classroom at the same time.  Gosh, I did a lot.  I can't believe what I've accomplished here.  It's incredible.  And life's only going to get better. 

On top of that, I was singing in the shower yesterday, the song Do you Remember by Jack Johnson. I replaced the lyrics with things from my own current relationship.  Only, for us it hasn't been ten years, but half of a year.  I really think that in no time, it will have been ten years and I'll be singing the same song in the shower.  Only by then, I'll probably be bathing a 2 or 3-year-old at the same time, while the other one cleans their room and I'm trying to relax myself since we're getting ready to take them to their grandparents' place so my sweetheart and I can have some time together to celebrate.  Yes, I'm talking about future, and I told myself not to do that but now it's been long enough and I know what I feel enough to say that it's worth the anticipation.  Needless to say, I feel confident Sam and I are in it for the long run and I really do love him- and I have reason to!

Now, for the nitty gritty details of the sweat! 
So FINALLY, after many attempts, I got to go to a sweat!  I had to make it happen.  I had to ask rather than simply wait for an invitation.  That's exactly what that sweat taught me, though.  I knew this before, but particularly the Cree here, they won't inform you of anything unless you ask.  The reason is because if you don't ask, they don't know you're interested.  You have to ask lots of questions, and you need to learn to ask the right questions too.  Naturally, I'm shy in new situations, so I do what I can to break through that, but I don't always break through completely right away. It takes time for me to get comfortable. 

It was funny when I went into the sweat.  There were a lot more people in there than I'd ever seen before, I'm not really sure why.  Someone calls a sweat for whatever reason and people come and pray for themselves and their family, friends, whatever... It's healing for all who enter. 
Anyway, back to me entering the sweat... I walk in, crouched under, and saw a different man directing the sweat.  He looked like he was going to say something, so I paused.  "You a rookie?" he says. 
"Uhh, no, I was here before with Katimavik," I said.  
"You okay?"
"Yes," I said. I laughed. 
Later, he asked me questions so everyone inside could here.  Few sat on the outside, I should add-usually there are a whole bunch of people that come and just sit outside the sweat in the tent.  It was a particularly special sweat for some reason.  And the man who directed it isn't from Chisasibi.  I feel like I've seen him before though. 
This sweat was much better than most other sweats I've been to.  I think I picked a good one to go to, that's for sure.  It was more musical, and I could feel more general healing.  Not just when the door was closed, but when we all laughed together about all kinds of things.  You see, the Cree have this uncanny ability to make a joke out of everything.  I could never understand how they did it, but they're really good at it.  Laughter always helps to heal the soul.
There were more rattles, one with an eagle's claw.  That's an eagle's claw, not eagle's foot... (I made the mistake of asking if it was an eagle's foot- "Isn't English your first language," he said. Of course I just laughed along.)  I noticed the structure more this time though.  I'm pretty sure there's a feather in the roof of the sweat, and the blankets, I noticed, were actually not black! 
But what I noticed, more than anything, is that for the Cree, laughing doesn't make things any less official.  It just makes things lighter, and speaking more openly about heavy things lightheartedly and laughing about it is how they seem to deal with it.  "I was in prison for 9 months when I was 18," a man said, "it's no fun for an 18-year-old." I don't remember the exact words he said following that, but something around the lines of ' Then I went to find a girl that never waited' and later, he mentioned a conversation with an elder.  He said that she said "What do you men think we do when you're away [out in the bush, for example]?  You think we just wait around?"  I guess it's all about delivery because when he said that, everyone was laughing. They have a completely different sense of humour, that's for sure.  Waaaah!  and that weird thing they do instead of saying "not!"  it's a "hyenhhhh" from the back of the throat with the head back, mouth wide open and followed with a goofy smile. 
I tried describing it before, but I think I get it more or less now. It's really special. :)

There's a lot about this place that I think will always be in my heart but it's time for me to move on.  I'll carry it with me forever,  but Chisasibi, my time to go is coming soon.  "Will you be back," many ask.  "Maybe," I say.

Picture! Meant to upload more but internet is too slow.

Cross-eyed human: me.  Left pup, Jamal (the big basketball player... not!) and Mojo, the monster (or so he seems)
I was dog sitting and this is the best picture I've taken in a long time! :P

aShmaaaaaa! Home soooooooon

So, I've been at Judy's place for about two weeks now and I honestly really feel blessed to have had my experience here.  They're quite the family!  And really something very special.aShmaaa!  It's a word only in their family that's just like commentary for 'cute!' the Cree often say "anjaba" and in Waskaganish, I think it is, they say "Anjabwe!"

So I have less than two more weeks.  I'll be really sad to leave this community because I may or may not come back (I really don't know)  But I've never been more excited to go home.

Mom, I miss her soooo much!  I just want to hug her and apologize again and again for how hard I've always been on her.  I feel like I've changed a lot, and that my life isn't just valuable for me, but for family too.  I still think of myself to be free to go where I please, but now, I see that love is what will always give me home and comfort.
And my SamSam- I miss him sooooo much! My puppies, my dad, my brother, sister, my friends, a place I can really call "home."  I've spent a year now, constantly adapting and readapting and believe me, I've grown up a lot, but I'm so ready to be with my family again. 

The only thing I'm feeling a little apprehensive about is my move to Winnipeg.  I'm afraid I might have difficulty finding a job, that I'll feel alone in a big town (I have friends there though, and I'll be living with Sam, which makes the WORLD of a difference, of course.)  The other thing is, I still feel an attachment to Guelph, to tell the truth. I follow a few blogs about Guelph and I get stuff on facebook telling when the poetry slams are.  But once again, I'm going to have to start somewhere anew, and I'm feeling a little tired of that.  I'm sure I'll feel better when I see my family at the farm though.  It's just the city...  It's artistic, cultural and there's a lot going on, but it's a big city and right now, I'm finding that somewhat intimidating.  I'm giving myself time before I go to school though.  And I think it's for the better.  Love is what will take me from here to there in the end, but whether or not I feel comfortable makes a big difference and I've never lived in a big city for any amount of time so I'm a wee unsure.

I can't wait though, to see Sam, to be home, to be with my family- chaos and all.