Remember to live, remember to give!

I love Chisasibi, but I'm finding moments where I say to myself "it's only 4 months..."

Remember to Live, Remember to Give...

The words I wrote myself, I must remember them every day. 
Rather than telling myself it'll be over soon, I must learn to enjoy it all for what it's worth and to give it everything I've got.  I haven't been sleeping enough, so I was tired today and the kids were all over me.
Kids don't give breaks.  You can't let anything slip.  You have to be consistent, you have to be on the ball, and honestly, you have to be organized to be a good teacher.

Oh boy, I need to do better than this. They deserve better, they really do.  But I can only give my best.

I'm not sure that the planning, the structure and the organization is really what I'm cut out for to be honest.  Even so, I can do better than this, so I have to try. 
I thought this would help me learn, and it will, but, to be a good teacher, one should be well-balanced, aware of their surroundings and, of course, mature.  Next time I feel I need to work on something, I think I'll try something that will affect me more than kids.  I thought I could do better for them than they were getting before, but now I'm not so sure.  Even then, though, I'm here, and I'm a pair of hands that will give what I can.

So now's my chance to keep pushing myself and find that balance I need.  I need to manage my time so I can give more of my energy to the development of these kids and to do so, I need to feel good myself.

Living should be as easy as breathing, really.  But sometimes living in the moment is easier said than done. Even so, let's try to grab all these trying moments and make them into livable moments, "M days," as Mr. Elrick (my Community Environment Leadership Program teacher) once called them.  But mostly, I should be calm.

Calm... like I learned to be at Northern Sun.
Calm... like I am when I was on my trip to BC, when I thought I'd miss my bus.
Calm... like I was when I knew I could deal with everything that came my way- that nothing could really be that bad.
            I could make it work, I could make anything work, I once said. 

                       And now, here I am, yelling at the kids, constantly telling them to be quiet, to sit down, to put   their things away, to listen.  They're not listening, so there's something wrong here. There's something I'm not doing right.

I don't know if I can give these children that calm person I really like of myself. All I can do though, is my very best.  And some days are better than others.