The new moon has arrived

Every time I see a friend of mine here in Chisasibi (well, now I call it 'sasibi' because that's what the locals call it, haha.) she tells me where the moon is and where the general energy is.  And I realy feel it.  I think I'm really sensitive to this stuff to tell the truth.  I don't understand how or why it works this way, but it really explains a lot.

Well, this weekend, I - don't fret when you hear this, my friends- was in a car accident.  We swirved off the road and into a few trees, practically destroying the left side of the car.  The car still ran though!  We managed to drive for over an hour after the fact, making it to our destination: Wemindji! Anyway, though I don't often seem outwardly stressed, internally, I sometimes freak out a lot.  I've learned to better keep my calm on the outside, but maybe, hopefully some day I'l learn to make that calmness on the inside.
Immediately following the accident, I did what I needed to do, relaxed a little, got the kids to the arena, dressed on time for the little boy's hockey game and so on.  It wasn't until Monday and yesterday that I was really feeling exhausted, still recovering from the stress.  All is well though. Noone even got a scratch (well maybe like less than a papercut...) And everything is being dealt with ;)

So today is a pedagogical day (like a professional development day in Ontario)  and we're having a workshop on student literacy today.  So far, so good. I think I'm learning a lot, actually.  I said to a few teachers that I didn't feel what I was doing in the class was really working for the students because, honestly I don't have a clue what level most of them are at.  But there's a lot I need to learn, professionally.  I understand why it's important to learn these things before being in the classroom setting. I understand better now, that there's a whole lot of 'I don't knows.'  So I'll have a much better knowledge of exactly what the 'I don't knows' are when I'm in school, learning how to teach, and I'll have all the questions to ask so I can learn even better and see things more critically.
Needless to say, I don't think I could've chosen a better time to come here. 
And I'm feeling the energy rising, spirits coming up- just as my friend told me I would!

Hockey mom and teacher? Whoawee!

Well, my friends always used to tell me that I was always busy.
There are ahh moments when I get to sit and relax sometimes.
But not when you're responsible for more than just you, things can get a little crazy-but it's okay.

So I'm a nanny for a couple kids this week.  Thursday-Sunday.  They have hockey and broomball, I took them to a movie screening and we went to a circus act last night.
This weekend will be a true test to my crash-test mommy experience.

I'm taking them 3 hours away for a hockey tournament. We're going to have to leave at 5:30AM on top of that!

At least they're wonderful sweet kids that do what I ask, usually when I ask.  And they both like to be really helpful too.  I went to tell the boy to get to bed last night and he was already in bed with a book in his hand!  The little girl tells me where everything is in the house, what their routines are and how they usually do certain things.  I'm really doing it though...  It's amazing what you can acoomplish when there's a little more pressure!

Good thing I just have two periods today.  My head feels like it's going to explode-probably just a little stress, dehydration, less sleep to tell the truth. 

So I took the little boy to hockey and when I went to get him, I went in the changeroom to help him and he was almost done!  I looked at the people in there, felt embarrassed there were no moms or any females (just teenage boys) and I stood outside, figuring he didn't need my help.  Well, he did.  After a while, he came out, rather upset and at first, refused to talk to me.  I explained, told him I felt terrible that I didn't help him and I said "you know, your mom has been doing this for 17 years.  This is my first day!  So I'm sorry I can't be as good as your mom, but can you please forgive me?"  He let me hug him and after some time he cheered up.  Later, we went to the cicus act, he was chosen to be a volunteer and he was sooo excited!  He did a chin up on the tight wire!  Then, the man shook his hand and he hung off the guy for a few seconds. (It was actually adorable and really funny.)  This little boy has spunk!

I connect really well with the little girl too. (I'm not writing their names just to be safe.)  She's 10 and soooo helpful.  From the first time we started talking in the van, we've been pretty close!  

Yesterday, I worked 4 periods too.  In the one class- a random class I subbed for (that was already set up - they were watching a movie by the time I was called to come in.)  a girl started writing notes to me. 
"Don't leave!" she wrote.
"aww, I feel loved." I said.
"You are." she replied.

Nuff said. 

Some days I have forgotten, but I really am feeling the love here. 
But you know, there's love everywhere you go.  You just have to find it in your heart and hold it really close. 
I've come to the realization, that people are my past time.  Naturally-no matter where I am.  I don't always make enough time to do hobbies on my own, but I talk to people and that's important too. 

So now, I'm the busy momma for a few days.  Of course I can do it, of course I can manage. (If the darn dog could ever stop peeing- did I mention there's two puppies and a teenager too?  The teenager is respectful though,  and I knew his friend that came over-we  chatted for a minute or so!)

So here's to all the busybee-teacher-mom-hockey-dogwatchin'-hardworkin' mothers out there: I have mad respect for y'all!

Catch up post!

Well, it's been a while since I've posted and a lot has happened!
As you may already know, I don't blog about everything I do.  that'd be A) boring and time consuming for you and B) time consuming for me, and I don't spend that much time on my own to tell the truth!
I keep telling myself that I need to spend more time on my own- but I've realized that my time here is limited and I want to build relationships with others as much as I can while I'm here. 
Needless to say, I'm pretty busy.

Some people say it's 'boring' here.  I'd say it's anything but.  Then again, I do have the tendency to very rarely be "bored." 
"It's a choice," I remember saying to a man when I was hitchiking.  There's always something to do.
So in case you're wondering what I'm typically up to, well, to give you an idea, I'll tell you my schedule.
Monday (9-4 or longer) school subbing after school- green club (has yet to begin!)  then 615-815 Henna Tatoos and Moroccan Tea/music with french speakers!
Tuesday (9-4 or longer) school subbing then Dancercise at 6-7
Wednesday (9-4 or longer) school subbing then I teach a cooking class 5-7 (or longer...)
Thursday (9-4 or longer) school subbing Photography club until 530.
Friday (9-4 or longer) school subbing -- usually something comes up- a party, chaperoning for a high school student council something, dance-whatever!
Saturday -- something always pops up - recently, filming and editing for a 'dogumentary' at the Wapikoni mobile- which is a mobile trailer that sets up in aboriginal community, but lost HALF of it's funding this year :(  Luckily, they were able to come to Chisasibi while I was up here and I did a bit of work with a friend up here :) You'll get to see it soon!  I've also spent time with various people doing this or that.
Sunday- this is my 'bum' day but it hasn't been the past few weeks!
  I wake up in the morning, usually do some house stuff-laundry, cleaning, vacuuming.  Then, well, it varies.  But at 4:00 I have a creative writing group with a few teachers from the school. We always laugh so much and we have a lot of fun talking about this, that and everything!

Now, I'm subbing in a secondary 2 English class for a while!  I'm glad because I think I can do a good job, and I like the students.  I have a lot planned for them! :) 2 weeks already planned!  I just have some work to go with it! Overheads and whatnot, but the thinking is done. (so no stress ;))   except that this week I'm moving again, to someone's place where I'll be looking after their kids for a couple days :)

I haven't blogged in a while, not just because I didn't have time, but because for a while, I was feeling a little depressed and just didn't feel like it.
There was a time I was feeling unsure about moving in with my boyfriend, I was feeling disconnected from my parents, and I felt I was making little progress in what I was attempting to accomplish in this community. 
Last week, though, I started working out and I'm trying to take better care of myself.  Since the sun rises at like 9:00 (or so) and sets at 4:15 now, I didn't see the sun for about 3 days straight.  Well no wonder I was feeling down!
I needed some vitamin D!
I'll make a point to get outside at break though, or something.  Maybe I'll go out with elementary kids haha.  And I'm working out now- I got a good deal on my membership because Trevor (the handsome man that manages the gym) is awesome. 

Not just that, but every so often, it starts to get weighing when you realize how much some of these kids deal with, and they just take every blow with no problem.  They're tough. Really tough.  Yet you have some at the other end of the spectrum that are really just spoiled!  Christmas here, for example, I've heard (even when I was here with Katimavik) is insane for some families (I've heard of people getting ski-doos,  computers,  and all kinds of pricey goodies)  But again, there's people from both spectrums.  There's parents that can't afford to buy their kids new boots or jackets, many that come to school hungry because their parents were too drunk that morning and many of them really look after themselves.  The latter parts were harder for me to really see when I was here before.  I mean, I knew about it, but I didn't really see it for myself.
I told mom that sometimes I have a really hard time with some of these things and she said "well I read your blog and it doesn't seem like you're having a hard time at all." 
Well, let's remember that I'm 19 and I'm teaching.  I'm a caring person, and I like to be involved in what I do.  When youhave those qualities, it can be a very demanding job.  On top of that, it's ESL, and in a remote community.  (Mind you, I'm starting to think this comunity isn't remote at all compared to other communities.)  I'm also far away from my family, and loved ones, and some friends (even though I've made many anew.)  So let's just say, that's a lot of responsibility for anyone, especially someone my age, and considering a lot of the social issues here, I'm doing okay.

I was also having some difficulty no knowing where I'd be working every day.  Going to the office in the morning and saying "okay, what do you have for me." It was okay some days, but others, I found difficult to motivate myself to even get up in the morning. (I did, of course, but reluctantly.)

This weekend, I got to enjoy some good ol' fashioned outside snow time yesterday with some little kids and big kids too! We made a snow castle, then had a snowfight!  I had my bare hands, of course, since I gave my gloves to another kid haha.  But there were some intense moments, some dog piles, snow bombs from above and a whole lot of laughter.  Oowah! :) I even got to try some traditional Ptarmigan (much better this time) fried, not boiled and hunted by a 75-year-old man.  (75 and still hunting-can you believe it? Yeah!)

I also enjoyed a traditional Maroccan meal and a traditional Cree meal (moosemeat!)  I've been spoiled with awesomeness!

So I'm back up to my normal upbeat happiness now, and I need to get to bed if I'm going to stay that way!

Speckles of snow!

It snowed! And Saturday was the first time it stayed on the ground for a while :) But then, of course, it melted by the afternoon.  Funny to say I'm in the north and it's probably much cooler in many places south of here. 
It was the first Hallowe'en here, I hear, in a while where there was no snow on the ground!  It snowed about ten minutes today (when I was walking home of course... shivering because I'm a weakling for cold I guess.)

"It's snowing!" I said excitedly to another teacher, "I'm probably the only one to see it that way, of course."
She smiles, "no, Violaine was the same way"
(I'm translating from French so its not exact.)

So Hallowe'en felt chaotic but fun.  I'm glad I was able to smile.  It was a full day of fun! "It's Hallowe'en," the kids said, "we're not supposed to work!" I had them do some printing in the morning, which I'm not sure they were motivated to do... I wanted to keep the routine in place though.  That's important for some kids!

Well, today I got to rejoin the grade 5 class I started with.  What was once "Stacey's class"and now "Jenny's Class."  They kept calling me Jenny and I wanted to say "I'm not Jenny! Stop calling me that!"  "Well, they'd say, you look alike!" And they had all these plans and things they were going to do for the halloween decorations but, of course a lot of their plans did not happen because I didnt know what they did with it all :S  So I did what I could-messy as it is, it's their creation and that's the important thing. 

So there's snow on the ground and, while some are seeing it as "oh no, snow=cold!" I see it as "ohhh how beautiful!"

Lately I've been thinking a little more about my departure from here to tell the truth.  I keep reminding myself though, that I still have yet to accomplish what I came to do.  There's still a lot I need to do for me to feel better about coming back.  No, working at the school isn't enough.  Yes, school makes a huge difference, but school isn't the only thing that defines us as a society, I'm learning.  I want to do more and experience more one-on-one interactions outside the classroom- because they're the ones where you can be fully invested, say what you need to say and be all that you are.  Needless to say, I dont feel I'm the same person in a classroom situation. 

But it's alright, I give what I can and the bottomline is, of course what I always say, I care.  And I show it.

One thing a day...

So today is the first day where I've ever actually said I was "bored."
This doesn't happen often for me, no matter where I go.  I only subbed for one period and even then, it wasn't super demanding.

I really enjoyed teaching secondary English, and even though some might not have liked how I did things, I think I presented a little something else they might not have seen previously.  I think some appreciated it, some, not so much, but that's okay- I did what I could, gave what I had to offer, and I think most of them recognized that.
And once again, it feels weird to not have to plan.  In fact, as much as I thought I wouldn't like the planning, I actually don't mind it now.  I can be spontaneous, and I can plan now!
Today, I was in a secondary class to sub- sec 2 (so like grade 8 in Ontario) and the teacher asked them to write about a moment that changed their lives.  The one that came to my mind, that I used as an example was the time I went to the memorial dance.  Some of you might remember, when I got that nisk (goose) painting in a gold frame and Chris said to me "if you really want something, it will come to me."  If he'd said that any other time, I would've said whatever... but there I stood with proof in my hands.  I never asked for this, but somehow fate, or spirits, or whatever it was- brought it to me. 

I told the students about this, and later read a short story from the Chicken soup book that was on the teacher's desk.  It happened to suit the assignment perfectly actually- it was about a kid who had to take care of their mother and how that changed their lives.  Whoo! For making the best of it!  I also helped a student with what he wrote (he actually did it, which is more than I can say for most classes) It was nice, because I learned more about him, and I actually really appreciated hearing it. 

So I guess this is just evidence that you learn something everyday! Even the days that seem boring!h

ACTION program teaching, sharing!

I'm teaching a class for the action program! It's called Teen cooking!
I'm hoping to start with SAUERKRAUT! whooo!  and for the rest, we'll see what people are interested in learning, but I had yogurt-making, canning, salad-making, and some healthy eating/homemaking tips in mind ;)

Here's a sweet site I found on sauerkraut though :)

http://canninggranny.blogspot.com/2011/10/making-and-canning-sauerkraut.html

Dream that are not so dreamy...

I walk through a garden of flowers, smelling of sugar snaps, beautiful swirls climbing the fence in bean-form, and my favourite flower- I can't even remember the name- but all of this is right in front of me.  I just can't see it right now.

Lately, I haven't been dreaming those happy dreams. I haven't been escaping the reality I don't want to see in my dreams.  Instead, like many, my brain takes me deeper into what I see every day.

My brother takes out a clothing tag with the Underarmour symbol from his skin. In my dream, he was in an accident, but in reality, it was Hollie that was in an accident.  The dream makes no sense logically, but I know what to take of it- I miss him.  My brother, of all people.  The one I never used to talk to?  Well, he's always been important to me, whether he knows it or not, and I can feel our bond growing.

In another, a child in my class lets a bee free. I, unafraid of it's power deal with it and get stung.  I don't remember what happened to me following the sting, but I think I forget what power I'm dealing with sometimes with these kids.

I'm in a dark place now, in my mind.  But I can see the light.  The students in the high school are a tough crowd, and I've been very aware of this from the very beginning.  I won't get through to all of them, but I get the feeling that some, more than I think, are understanding more than it appears. And the ones I least expect are sometimes the ones that are the most interested. 

"You're just a sub," a student said.  "Yes, I'm a sub, and no, I don't get paid any more if you learn this or not.  But I care. I'm here to share what I have. Take it or leave it," I said.
"I'm not here for a paycheque.  I'm here because I feel like I have something to share,"  I said to the students.
"Who are you?" A student asked.

I don't know why, but the questions resonated in my head.  "Who are you?" I didn't know how to answer that, so I said "uh, I'm Stacey, uh I'm from Guelph and I was here before with Katimavik and I came back"
but I should've just said 'I am what I've been showing you from the beginning, but you're so used to not being cared about that you're ignoring what I have to give.' 

I've realized lately that intention makes the world of a difference.  And the ones who understand this much respect me a whole lot more than I'm sure some people have given them.  Those students are the ones that have brought my spirits a whole lot higher.

Remember to live... Remember to love! Oh yes, it's so corny, but It's the best life advice I can give and show.

My mind is often in a dark place and I'm honestly exhausted because I put so much into the work I do.  But the light isn't so far away.  I'm giving and even though there are moments I feel it's not working, I'm getting more than it appears.  They're more receptive than it seems, I'm sure of it.

"I'm no smarter than you," I said.  What I lack in age I make up for in experience and thus wisdom.  So I'm hoping that my positive attitude can reach a few more.

What a fun day!

So yesterday, I spent a little too much time on the computer, waiting for pictures to upload, did a little cleaning, and a little reading, texting my good friend Summer in Edmonton and had a tea with a friend. 

An okay day, pretty relaxed... until- katimavik Thanksgiving.

I also forgot to mention that Friday, I thought Northern Sun was going to burn down from a forest fire (but it's okay!)  But I was really upset, of course.
And last night, my sister was in yet another car accident.

I invited myself over because I hadn't really met the Kaitmavik group and I wasn't going to wait for Chris to invite me.  "We have too much food, invite friends!" says Jack, who's a shaman (I've known him a while, but only found out recently that he's actually a shaman.)   There was about 20 people in a small space, with 5 small, hyper children, so the energy wasn't quite what we call calm... I just observed, mostly, laughed and enjoyed good food!

Then, we witnessed two dogs having a little trouble post, well, they hadn't gotten to pillow talk because they were stuck. 
At first we thought the dog's paw was inside the other's anus.
Then we thought they were glued.
But I, of course, was the one to intervene, and the dog's penis was just too big and got stuck.  So I guess the dog tried walking away while it was still inside and it couldn't. The leg was caught, so I thought the leg was broken. "It's mangled!" I said.  But I guess it was a little more flexible than I presumed...
I moved the leg that was caught and then, within 30 seconds, flllllsh! the penis came out with a splash. Yumm.... 

Sam told me that this happens sometimes when different breeds mix because some breeds just have bigger packages that aren't designed to fit in others.
Then I went to a hip hop concert with Katimavik.  Fresh IE.  We got the end of it, but it was fun anyway!  I think we were the only ones dancing, and most of the crowd was about 10 and under so it made a difference that we were there.

And today, I found out that I may be teaching a grade 3 class!  I don't know quite what's going to happen, but we'll see!

James Bayyyy :)

SEAL! zoom in if you can!

Shashashao

 

:) this reminds me of film photos from so long ago (it seems) looks vintage!

 

So majestic.. so incredibly beautiful... we lucked out have such a day!

A bit of James Bay beauty