If I leave this place learning anything, it's modesty.
I thought I could do better for them. In fact, I thought there was so much wrong that I wanted to come and fix it.
But the truth is, there's a whole lot I don't know. A whole lot I didn't even know I didn't know. Like handling 20 kids at once. I want to do some things, but I can't until they start to listen. I want them to do what I say, why should they when they don't even know why I'm telling them to do this or that.
I'm starting to understand why there's training to be a teacher, but there's more to it than just giving lessons.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
FIRST PICTURE! (taken by Linda)
 |
| I almost forgot to mention that I went to LG-2 (La grande #2, a dam) this weekend for a tour with the teachers. We actually had a lot of fun because we're all such goofs! It was interesting to see, but I also honestly felt like I was bring spoonfed to think "favourably" of the dam and Hydro Quebec. (Especially after answering the survey at the end.) L to R: Me, Linda, Claire, Mike (pointing at nothing) Rubin (what a poser...) Kris, Savanna, Sylvain, Mirabel. (Savanna and Mirabel are Taiwanese!) Sylvain and Linda are francophones and the rest are anglophones! The other teachers I hang out with are mostly Francophones! Pretty awesome people though, I must say. I'm happy to be part of the crew! And thanks to Linda for organizing this! |
Another day...
Well, today wasn't easy, but it felt much better.
Sleep helps, of course.
So do comments like "don't be too hard on yourself" from another teacher and nice comments on Facebook from Mom, support from Sam on the phone and even a good roomate that brought back a few things from her weekend!
It felt like a Friday at the end of the day. Maybe because I left earlier than I have been leaving, but it can't have been too bad, because Fridays are always good.
Two students (in grade 5, I might add) skipped my class in the afternoon. They're friends, but one claims he wasn't with the other. I saw one standing on the other side of the school at recess and told him to go outside with the other kids. He wouldn't listen and I sent him to the office. " I don't want to go to class," he said. After school, his mother came to me and asked me why the school didn't call her. "I found out from other students," she said. And she wasn't too pleased.
Another student came to class upset because his bike was stolen.
I felt bad about being so firm with the student that later said he was mad before understanding why, but I'm glad I talked to him and his mother after school because I understood better after.
His mom wanted to switch him to the other class for a few reasons, but he wants to stay. "I like having you in my class," I said. I told his mom how well he was doing in class as well.
It all sucked a little, but honestly, I felt like I did all that I could. So it wasn't so bad.
And again, it felt like Friday, so I guess it wasn't so bad after all.
"And it's only Tuesday..." another teacher said. But I feel alright.
Sleep helps, of course.
So do comments like "don't be too hard on yourself" from another teacher and nice comments on Facebook from Mom, support from Sam on the phone and even a good roomate that brought back a few things from her weekend!
It felt like a Friday at the end of the day. Maybe because I left earlier than I have been leaving, but it can't have been too bad, because Fridays are always good.
Two students (in grade 5, I might add) skipped my class in the afternoon. They're friends, but one claims he wasn't with the other. I saw one standing on the other side of the school at recess and told him to go outside with the other kids. He wouldn't listen and I sent him to the office. " I don't want to go to class," he said. After school, his mother came to me and asked me why the school didn't call her. "I found out from other students," she said. And she wasn't too pleased.
Another student came to class upset because his bike was stolen.
I felt bad about being so firm with the student that later said he was mad before understanding why, but I'm glad I talked to him and his mother after school because I understood better after.
His mom wanted to switch him to the other class for a few reasons, but he wants to stay. "I like having you in my class," I said. I told his mom how well he was doing in class as well.
It all sucked a little, but honestly, I felt like I did all that I could. So it wasn't so bad.
And again, it felt like Friday, so I guess it wasn't so bad after all.
"And it's only Tuesday..." another teacher said. But I feel alright.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Remember to live, remember to give!
I love Chisasibi, but I'm finding moments where I say to myself "it's only 4 months..."
Remember to Live, Remember to Give...
The words I wrote myself, I must remember them every day.
Rather than telling myself it'll be over soon, I must learn to enjoy it all for what it's worth and to give it everything I've got. I haven't been sleeping enough, so I was tired today and the kids were all over me.
Kids don't give breaks. You can't let anything slip. You have to be consistent, you have to be on the ball, and honestly, you have to be organized to be a good teacher.
Oh boy, I need to do better than this. They deserve better, they really do. But I can only give my best.
I'm not sure that the planning, the structure and the organization is really what I'm cut out for to be honest. Even so, I can do better than this, so I have to try.
I thought this would help me learn, and it will, but, to be a good teacher, one should be well-balanced, aware of their surroundings and, of course, mature. Next time I feel I need to work on something, I think I'll try something that will affect me more than kids. I thought I could do better for them than they were getting before, but now I'm not so sure. Even then, though, I'm here, and I'm a pair of hands that will give what I can.
So now's my chance to keep pushing myself and find that balance I need. I need to manage my time so I can give more of my energy to the development of these kids and to do so, I need to feel good myself.
Living should be as easy as breathing, really. But sometimes living in the moment is easier said than done. Even so, let's try to grab all these trying moments and make them into livable moments, "M days," as Mr. Elrick (my Community Environment Leadership Program teacher) once called them. But mostly, I should be calm.
Calm... like I learned to be at Northern Sun.
Calm... like I am when I was on my trip to BC, when I thought I'd miss my bus.
Calm... like I was when I knew I could deal with everything that came my way- that nothing could really be that bad.
I could make it work, I could make anything work, I once said.
And now, here I am, yelling at the kids, constantly telling them to be quiet, to sit down, to put their things away, to listen. They're not listening, so there's something wrong here. There's something I'm not doing right.
I don't know if I can give these children that calm person I really like of myself. All I can do though, is my very best. And some days are better than others.
Remember to Live, Remember to Give...
The words I wrote myself, I must remember them every day.
Rather than telling myself it'll be over soon, I must learn to enjoy it all for what it's worth and to give it everything I've got. I haven't been sleeping enough, so I was tired today and the kids were all over me.
Kids don't give breaks. You can't let anything slip. You have to be consistent, you have to be on the ball, and honestly, you have to be organized to be a good teacher.
Oh boy, I need to do better than this. They deserve better, they really do. But I can only give my best.
I'm not sure that the planning, the structure and the organization is really what I'm cut out for to be honest. Even so, I can do better than this, so I have to try.
I thought this would help me learn, and it will, but, to be a good teacher, one should be well-balanced, aware of their surroundings and, of course, mature. Next time I feel I need to work on something, I think I'll try something that will affect me more than kids. I thought I could do better for them than they were getting before, but now I'm not so sure. Even then, though, I'm here, and I'm a pair of hands that will give what I can.
So now's my chance to keep pushing myself and find that balance I need. I need to manage my time so I can give more of my energy to the development of these kids and to do so, I need to feel good myself.
Living should be as easy as breathing, really. But sometimes living in the moment is easier said than done. Even so, let's try to grab all these trying moments and make them into livable moments, "M days," as Mr. Elrick (my Community Environment Leadership Program teacher) once called them. But mostly, I should be calm.
Calm... like I learned to be at Northern Sun.
Calm... like I am when I was on my trip to BC, when I thought I'd miss my bus.
Calm... like I was when I knew I could deal with everything that came my way- that nothing could really be that bad.
I could make it work, I could make anything work, I once said.
And now, here I am, yelling at the kids, constantly telling them to be quiet, to sit down, to put their things away, to listen. They're not listening, so there's something wrong here. There's something I'm not doing right.
I don't know if I can give these children that calm person I really like of myself. All I can do though, is my very best. And some days are better than others.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Learning, learning, learning....
Wisdom comes with age, effectiveness with time.
How much time? When will I understand all the things that I need to know!
Teaching for only a few days makes me take a step back and see at least this much: I'm young and I need some years before I'll be a good teacher.
"They kind of through you in the deep end", a friend said. I didn't really know it then, but now I see that yes, they really did. But the sad thing is that they had no choice.
I hate that these kids are the 'testers', they're the kids that have different teachers every year- they've had substitutes for THREE years, I've heard. It's not fair. It's not right, but that's how it has turned out. And when they get a teacher, often the school has so little to choose from that they pick mediocre (if that) teachers, sometimes without qualifications like myself and sometimes without much competency at all. Yet, when they get good teachers, they're so disorganized that it's hard to even keep them! People get sick of having to fight for every little thing, for waiting for this and that, and they get tired because they have to cover everyone else's tracks. Like mine, because I'm young, I'm learning. I want to do the best I can for these kids. Oh goodness, do they deserve it. They're really sweet kids, and I think they respect me, for the most part. As a newbie though, I'm realizing that there's so much they need to learn that, honestly, I had no idea they needed to learn. Like strategies to help them teach themselves so that 1) they can do work more independently and 2) They are occupied and 3) I have time to see the kids that need me the most!
What I often don't realize is that once isn't enough- that I need to give the same instructions over and over again.
And I want to have time with each child to talk to them, understand them and learn more about them, so recess is a good start. Otherwise, I've been asking them questions one-on-one. It's funny, they can talk in full sentences when it's just them and myself but when it's the whole class, suddenly they're afraid to be wrong.
That's the problem, I think. They're afraid that they'll make mistakes. They don't even know it, but it's true.
So I just need to start simple, like Mike said, and take it slow. And learn not to yell if I can help it.
"If you can hear me clap once," I say, "if you can hear me, sit in your desk and listen with your ears" Sometimes I even find myself having to tell the kids to get out their pencil and start by writing their name on the paper. "In Cree and in English," I say sometimes. "I want to learn too!"
And that's exactly what I'm doing. Today's word of the day: doodooschnabwei (milk) And when I can say the word correctly, they said "Agoda!" and they smile, just as I do when they understand something. Well there's a good start.
How much time? When will I understand all the things that I need to know!
Teaching for only a few days makes me take a step back and see at least this much: I'm young and I need some years before I'll be a good teacher.
"They kind of through you in the deep end", a friend said. I didn't really know it then, but now I see that yes, they really did. But the sad thing is that they had no choice.
I hate that these kids are the 'testers', they're the kids that have different teachers every year- they've had substitutes for THREE years, I've heard. It's not fair. It's not right, but that's how it has turned out. And when they get a teacher, often the school has so little to choose from that they pick mediocre (if that) teachers, sometimes without qualifications like myself and sometimes without much competency at all. Yet, when they get good teachers, they're so disorganized that it's hard to even keep them! People get sick of having to fight for every little thing, for waiting for this and that, and they get tired because they have to cover everyone else's tracks. Like mine, because I'm young, I'm learning. I want to do the best I can for these kids. Oh goodness, do they deserve it. They're really sweet kids, and I think they respect me, for the most part. As a newbie though, I'm realizing that there's so much they need to learn that, honestly, I had no idea they needed to learn. Like strategies to help them teach themselves so that 1) they can do work more independently and 2) They are occupied and 3) I have time to see the kids that need me the most!
What I often don't realize is that once isn't enough- that I need to give the same instructions over and over again.
And I want to have time with each child to talk to them, understand them and learn more about them, so recess is a good start. Otherwise, I've been asking them questions one-on-one. It's funny, they can talk in full sentences when it's just them and myself but when it's the whole class, suddenly they're afraid to be wrong.
That's the problem, I think. They're afraid that they'll make mistakes. They don't even know it, but it's true.
So I just need to start simple, like Mike said, and take it slow. And learn not to yell if I can help it.
"If you can hear me clap once," I say, "if you can hear me, sit in your desk and listen with your ears" Sometimes I even find myself having to tell the kids to get out their pencil and start by writing their name on the paper. "In Cree and in English," I say sometimes. "I want to learn too!"
And that's exactly what I'm doing. Today's word of the day: doodooschnabwei (milk) And when I can say the word correctly, they said "Agoda!" and they smile, just as I do when they understand something. Well there's a good start.
Monday, August 22, 2011
First day!
I survived the whole first day!
Honestly, that's probably the easiest day and I am incredibly tired. It's a demanding job, that's for sure.
I forgot how tiring it was to stand in front of a classroom for any amount of time.
It's funny though, how I used to get so nervous in front of my peers- I'd get blotchy all over and sometimes feel myself stutter. Today, I wasn't nervous, actually. I just didn't plan enough material for the kids and when they were all done their work, I could tell they were starting to get a little antsy to do something else.
"Take their age and multiply by 2 and that's about how long they can focus," Mike said, "in between, do something to get them moving or get their attention and explain what they're doing again."
The kids were very respectful though. When I told them to stop what they were doing in a firm tone they stopped (most of the time.) The only time when it was challenging was when we were outside and all the other kids were around them. I'm not a fan of yelling, so I found that moment a little challenging, but nothing to get stressed over.
Later, the kids would approach me constantly "Stacey, I'm finished! What do I do now?" And I had nothing.
"okay, write a few sentences on what your drawing is... okay now... (last resort now) go pick out a book from the shelf to read"
Oh boy, and I thought I planned too much!
So I was told I would get $22/hour. "Awesome," I though, "$22/hour, 6 hours!"
Nope. Well, I don't get paid for lunch. I don't get paid for prep. I only get money for the time I'm actually in class teaching. So today, 3 classes, maybe 3.5 hours? And the bonus- I meant to ask about the $150 northern bonus, but I honestly forgot. That would make a big difference though.
Isn't that just great? They make it seem like a lot...
Well, that's just how it works I guess.
Funny, I'm doing all the same work as all the other teachers and they're probably making twice as much as I am. Some fancy teaching qualifications have something to do with that, but it still kind of sucks a little. Nothing against them, nothing against anyone, it's just life I guess.
You don't get the big dollars for being nice.
Oh well. I'm not here for the money, and it's not like I have to support a family. Honestly, I'd be making more cash money working 8 hrs/day at a minimum wage job. It just makes things a little more difficult I suppose.
And, as tiring as it is, this is a really awesome learning experience for me. So I just have to keep telling myself that and continue to do my best!
So yeah, it's hard. It's demanding. This is completely insane of me to just jump into. But I couldn't be happier that I did, because I feel I have a lot to offer and in the end, they'll have given me more than I could ever ask for.
..
Honestly, that's probably the easiest day and I am incredibly tired. It's a demanding job, that's for sure.
I forgot how tiring it was to stand in front of a classroom for any amount of time.
It's funny though, how I used to get so nervous in front of my peers- I'd get blotchy all over and sometimes feel myself stutter. Today, I wasn't nervous, actually. I just didn't plan enough material for the kids and when they were all done their work, I could tell they were starting to get a little antsy to do something else.
"Take their age and multiply by 2 and that's about how long they can focus," Mike said, "in between, do something to get them moving or get their attention and explain what they're doing again."
The kids were very respectful though. When I told them to stop what they were doing in a firm tone they stopped (most of the time.) The only time when it was challenging was when we were outside and all the other kids were around them. I'm not a fan of yelling, so I found that moment a little challenging, but nothing to get stressed over.
Later, the kids would approach me constantly "Stacey, I'm finished! What do I do now?" And I had nothing.
"okay, write a few sentences on what your drawing is... okay now... (last resort now) go pick out a book from the shelf to read"
Oh boy, and I thought I planned too much!
So I was told I would get $22/hour. "Awesome," I though, "$22/hour, 6 hours!"
Nope. Well, I don't get paid for lunch. I don't get paid for prep. I only get money for the time I'm actually in class teaching. So today, 3 classes, maybe 3.5 hours? And the bonus- I meant to ask about the $150 northern bonus, but I honestly forgot. That would make a big difference though.
Isn't that just great? They make it seem like a lot...
Well, that's just how it works I guess.
Funny, I'm doing all the same work as all the other teachers and they're probably making twice as much as I am. Some fancy teaching qualifications have something to do with that, but it still kind of sucks a little. Nothing against them, nothing against anyone, it's just life I guess.
You don't get the big dollars for being nice.
Oh well. I'm not here for the money, and it's not like I have to support a family. Honestly, I'd be making more cash money working 8 hrs/day at a minimum wage job. It just makes things a little more difficult I suppose.
And, as tiring as it is, this is a really awesome learning experience for me. So I just have to keep telling myself that and continue to do my best!
So yeah, it's hard. It's demanding. This is completely insane of me to just jump into. But I couldn't be happier that I did, because I feel I have a lot to offer and in the end, they'll have given me more than I could ever ask for.
..
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Stacey Speers, 19 and teaching.
!@)(&#!@*)&
Stacey Speers is a substitute teacher.
Setting it all up for the teacher. And if there's no teacher that shows? Well, ??? I hope she decides to come! :S
There's certainly no shortage of need for substitutes though.
Now, the battle will just be to get paid (especially for the time it takes to set up and what not)
wish me luck!
Stacey Speers is a substitute teacher.
Setting it all up for the teacher. And if there's no teacher that shows? Well, ??? I hope she decides to come! :S
There's certainly no shortage of need for substitutes though.
Now, the battle will just be to get paid (especially for the time it takes to set up and what not)
wish me luck!
Monday, August 15, 2011
One Day you Will. Here's the day.
Okay. So this is ridiculous and probably impossible o keep up with- a third post? How can so much happen and a person have time to do this three times in one day?
Good question.
But I wanted to make some more additions!
Went to the talent show which, as per usual, started late (conveniently enough for me, since I was at the Katimavik house for a while, and being late meeting up with friends turned out to be a good thing after all.)
In Chisasibi, I learned that honestly, it always works out in the end.
Often you might find yourself disappointed if you go in with certain expectations- like that the sound system is going to work swimmingly and the performers are all going to be amazing. They make mistakes on stage, but few really mind. The show goes on, and no one really worries much about it! Nothing's perfect here. And they don't hide really hide it. "I'm fat," said one of the performers today, "but I'm proud of it, I'm proud of who I am." The statement was followed by a very good performance of Beautiful by Christina Aiguleira
I also feel compelled to express my gratitude for the poetry performance by a Katimavik participant in the new group. I got to hear her poetry twice, and felt much more connected to her feeling the second time. "That's guts," as Chris put it. She spoke of leaving home, finding her wings to fly in an isolated place. She mentioned that her father's love would always live even if his physical life would not. At that part, I nearly cried. Poetry is gutsy. Telling an audience of so many - the seats at the arena were more than full- that your father took his own life is another thing. She said she blames "the white man for not knowing my own language," among other things. I don't think I understood well enough what the importance of their culture is here, until she expressed how liberating she feels being in an isolated community, where she feels she fits in and she can show her "indian" pride.
Her words were well thought-out, well expressed and really made the jabs where they needed to be. 'hugging the bottle like the indian stereotype' (that's not the exact quotation) But I honestly felt inspired by her courage because she expressed so much truth and pain, ending with a strong sense of hope to "learn from my mother's mistakes." I really respect this young woman for her performance, and honestly, feel even more compelled than I was before to someday express some poetry myself. One day, I'm sure I will. Or maybe more days, I hope!
Hmm. makes me think of a poster Chris put up when we were at that house back in January. "One day you will," it read.
And if you just believe it, it'll all work out for the best in the end. You just have to believe.
"If you really want something," I remember Chris saying, "It'll come to you." That was the night I found that beautiful goose painting I had eyed for a moment from the hands of a woman who lost her father, brother or whatever relation they had. She lost her loved one and I, a stranger was given more than just that physical gift, but the gift of believing.
Good question.
But I wanted to make some more additions!
Went to the talent show which, as per usual, started late (conveniently enough for me, since I was at the Katimavik house for a while, and being late meeting up with friends turned out to be a good thing after all.)
In Chisasibi, I learned that honestly, it always works out in the end.
Often you might find yourself disappointed if you go in with certain expectations- like that the sound system is going to work swimmingly and the performers are all going to be amazing. They make mistakes on stage, but few really mind. The show goes on, and no one really worries much about it! Nothing's perfect here. And they don't hide really hide it. "I'm fat," said one of the performers today, "but I'm proud of it, I'm proud of who I am." The statement was followed by a very good performance of Beautiful by Christina Aiguleira
I also feel compelled to express my gratitude for the poetry performance by a Katimavik participant in the new group. I got to hear her poetry twice, and felt much more connected to her feeling the second time. "That's guts," as Chris put it. She spoke of leaving home, finding her wings to fly in an isolated place. She mentioned that her father's love would always live even if his physical life would not. At that part, I nearly cried. Poetry is gutsy. Telling an audience of so many - the seats at the arena were more than full- that your father took his own life is another thing. She said she blames "the white man for not knowing my own language," among other things. I don't think I understood well enough what the importance of their culture is here, until she expressed how liberating she feels being in an isolated community, where she feels she fits in and she can show her "indian" pride.
Her words were well thought-out, well expressed and really made the jabs where they needed to be. 'hugging the bottle like the indian stereotype' (that's not the exact quotation) But I honestly felt inspired by her courage because she expressed so much truth and pain, ending with a strong sense of hope to "learn from my mother's mistakes." I really respect this young woman for her performance, and honestly, feel even more compelled than I was before to someday express some poetry myself. One day, I'm sure I will. Or maybe more days, I hope!
Hmm. makes me think of a poster Chris put up when we were at that house back in January. "One day you will," it read.
And if you just believe it, it'll all work out for the best in the end. You just have to believe.
"If you really want something," I remember Chris saying, "It'll come to you." That was the night I found that beautiful goose painting I had eyed for a moment from the hands of a woman who lost her father, brother or whatever relation they had. She lost her loved one and I, a stranger was given more than just that physical gift, but the gift of believing.
Changes with the seasons!
Yes. I already blogged today and my friends are waiting for me at the arena, but I have to get this out.
I'm so happy to be here.
Oh man, seeing Chris at the Katimavik house was so wonderful. The children on the street that recognized me, one who's class I was with for one day. (The crazy kindergarten class who's teacher didn't show up.) I wished I could speak Cree with this kid, not just today, but I remember the day when he was trying to communicate what another child, Haven was his name, did to him to make him react a certain way. "I know," I remember saying, " I saw." I remembered his name too- like Xavier Rudd. Without the Rudd... And the little girl riding around on her bike, who was at the pow wow and I saw her a few other times.
A girl with a native background recited a poem at the Katima-house dinner too. She mentioned living in a big city, not being so great, and that here, the culture is so strong. It was so wonderful to hear some poetry from a youth. I honestly, wish I knew how to inspire others to do the same, but honestly, I've never even written a poetry slam myself. Nor have I been around that culture enough to feel able to do so. I hope I get to hear more from her later.
And it's so nice to see the change of seasons in Chisasibi. There's still piles. Of sand and dirt now. (I dont know if you remember the picture with us in our t-shirts, holding our mitten-covered fingers in the air... well the piles made me think of that.)
I love the beautiful purple flowers, I'll have to find out what they're called and more about them soon. The buttercups, the lone wild strawberry I picked and ate on the way here (shhh! Don't tell anyone, but it was delicious!) The vibrant red berries and leaves, and a little grass here and there.
And the children, they're running around, laughing, saying things in Cree, making their parents smile.
Then I go to meet my friends at the talent show, and she's not there. So I ask to enter without paying to find her, and they let me in. "Mary Monger? They say. Oh yes, I know her! No, I haven't seen her."
To see all these kids, remember their names and moments I had with them, to go back to the Katimavik house, see all that they're doing, it just makes me so excited.
There's no way I'll be bored. This is where I want to be now.
I said it before, and I'll say it again: I love Chisasibi. For all her beauty, for all her potential.
Oh yes, and there's SO much going on! Oh geez, Chris told me everything that's been going on while this group has been here, inviting me to all kinds of stuff and it's really quite exciting!
Honestly, I have something really quite rare. I have what most teachers don't have: all of what Chisasibi offers right at my feet.
So soon enough, after some effort, it'll be my turn to do everything I can to give back to the place I fell in love with only months away. "Oh man, it feels like so long ago," I said two Chris. "That was two months ago," he says.
So much going on!
So yes, all is well ;) And I won't be bored. (Like I get bored...)
I'm so happy to be here.
Oh man, seeing Chris at the Katimavik house was so wonderful. The children on the street that recognized me, one who's class I was with for one day. (The crazy kindergarten class who's teacher didn't show up.) I wished I could speak Cree with this kid, not just today, but I remember the day when he was trying to communicate what another child, Haven was his name, did to him to make him react a certain way. "I know," I remember saying, " I saw." I remembered his name too- like Xavier Rudd. Without the Rudd... And the little girl riding around on her bike, who was at the pow wow and I saw her a few other times.
A girl with a native background recited a poem at the Katima-house dinner too. She mentioned living in a big city, not being so great, and that here, the culture is so strong. It was so wonderful to hear some poetry from a youth. I honestly, wish I knew how to inspire others to do the same, but honestly, I've never even written a poetry slam myself. Nor have I been around that culture enough to feel able to do so. I hope I get to hear more from her later.
And it's so nice to see the change of seasons in Chisasibi. There's still piles. Of sand and dirt now. (I dont know if you remember the picture with us in our t-shirts, holding our mitten-covered fingers in the air... well the piles made me think of that.)
I love the beautiful purple flowers, I'll have to find out what they're called and more about them soon. The buttercups, the lone wild strawberry I picked and ate on the way here (shhh! Don't tell anyone, but it was delicious!) The vibrant red berries and leaves, and a little grass here and there.
And the children, they're running around, laughing, saying things in Cree, making their parents smile.
Then I go to meet my friends at the talent show, and she's not there. So I ask to enter without paying to find her, and they let me in. "Mary Monger? They say. Oh yes, I know her! No, I haven't seen her."
To see all these kids, remember their names and moments I had with them, to go back to the Katimavik house, see all that they're doing, it just makes me so excited.
There's no way I'll be bored. This is where I want to be now.
I said it before, and I'll say it again: I love Chisasibi. For all her beauty, for all her potential.
Oh yes, and there's SO much going on! Oh geez, Chris told me everything that's been going on while this group has been here, inviting me to all kinds of stuff and it's really quite exciting!
Honestly, I have something really quite rare. I have what most teachers don't have: all of what Chisasibi offers right at my feet.
So soon enough, after some effort, it'll be my turn to do everything I can to give back to the place I fell in love with only months away. "Oh man, it feels like so long ago," I said two Chris. "That was two months ago," he says.
So much going on!
So yes, all is well ;) And I won't be bored. (Like I get bored...)
Arrived in Chisasibi
I made it here!
I'll be at the school tomorrow to help the teachers (since they have a few ped. (PD) days before it's time for the kids to come!)
They're supposed to start of Thursday, but there's events going on for Chisasibi's 30th birthday, so kids probably won't come to school, and I hear there's a good chance that the school will put it all back (because they can do that kind of thing here.)
The ride was two full days to Chisasibi. First stop: Val D'or, 1:30 AM
second stop: Mike's house, Chisasibi! 8:45 PM
We unloaded, then found ourselves at his neighbour's place, with Phillippe and Linda. I worked with Phillippe a few days in the learning centre (for kids with mental disabilities) and they're both extremely friendly, hospitable people. They've taught abroad in many places: Mali, Inuukjuak, Beijing and now here!
The ride was alright: long, but I enjoyed most of it. Long drives are sometimes good for me since I have the inability to sit still for very long. Mike has a similar taste for music and an interesting life too.
I stayed at Mike's place the first night, then he took to another teacher's place where I'll be staying for about a week until she gets here. :)
Tonight I'm going to the Katimavik house, then there's a talent show, that I've already arranged to go see with some friends.
So I'm safe and happy!
I'll be at the school tomorrow to help the teachers (since they have a few ped. (PD) days before it's time for the kids to come!)
They're supposed to start of Thursday, but there's events going on for Chisasibi's 30th birthday, so kids probably won't come to school, and I hear there's a good chance that the school will put it all back (because they can do that kind of thing here.)
The ride was two full days to Chisasibi. First stop: Val D'or, 1:30 AM
second stop: Mike's house, Chisasibi! 8:45 PM
We unloaded, then found ourselves at his neighbour's place, with Phillippe and Linda. I worked with Phillippe a few days in the learning centre (for kids with mental disabilities) and they're both extremely friendly, hospitable people. They've taught abroad in many places: Mali, Inuukjuak, Beijing and now here!
The ride was alright: long, but I enjoyed most of it. Long drives are sometimes good for me since I have the inability to sit still for very long. Mike has a similar taste for music and an interesting life too.
I stayed at Mike's place the first night, then he took to another teacher's place where I'll be staying for about a week until she gets here. :)
Tonight I'm going to the Katimavik house, then there's a talent show, that I've already arranged to go see with some friends.
So I'm safe and happy!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
And... I'm off.
Another late night.
I love so slow, especially when packing.
Goodbye Mom, Goodbye Dad.
Goodbye Guelph, see you at Christmas!
As I'm tweaking my resume again to give to the school, I'm thinking, what if?
Well, in good time, it will all come. So let's take this plunge and hope for the best.
LOL (lots of love),
Stacey
I love so slow, especially when packing.
Goodbye Mom, Goodbye Dad.
Goodbye Guelph, see you at Christmas!
As I'm tweaking my resume again to give to the school, I'm thinking, what if?
Well, in good time, it will all come. So let's take this plunge and hope for the best.
LOL (lots of love),
Stacey
Friday, August 12, 2011
Some Photos From Home!
So there are some photos here from my outing with Shawn :) And my cousin and I playing outside ;) I was impressed with how some turned out (even the ones Matt took!)
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| Shootin' through the colour thing. |
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| Ponderer? |
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| :) |
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| Isn't his hair cool? Mom did it! |
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| Matt took this. I thought it was pretty artistic actually. Turned out nicely :) |
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| Same with this one. I think he put some thought into it. As you can see the perspective. Well done Matt! (A natural!) |
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| Me now. I took this with Shawn |
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| Dragonfly |
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| Deer! A DOE! |
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| Grass-face. |
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Bee Lab!
So I went to the Bee lab with Jesse! :) and Loved it!
I took a few sweet pics too :)
Enjoy!
I took a few sweet pics too :)
Enjoy!
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| The "nuke", nuclear hive. |
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| A cell. That's where the queen came out. |
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| Beekeepers in training. I know: we're legit. |
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| You might like to zoom in on this, but it's a drone! :) "sooo cute!" says Jesse :) |
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| Surrounding! |
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
JUST TRY IT! :)
I just have to say...
I'm writing all this because I know there are more out there that feel the same way, that they no longer belong in the world they grew up in, and that sometimes, the people that need to understand for it all to feel better just don't, even if they say they do.
I made some sauerkraut this afternoon! I used the recipe that Kathryn at Northern Sun showed us when I was in Katimavik :) I think it'll be really good! I shall post the recipe!
I asked my cousin to help me massage it (that's the best part!) and he did it for about, well, maybe 1 or 2 minutes and said "my hands are cold, I don't want to do this anymore." I'm not going to make him do anything, but it just reminded me that open-mindedness isn't natural for everyone. It's sometimes something learned, and not everyone will always be open-minded.
"Why do you like making things now? Why can't you just buy it?" He said.
My parents see it the same way.
"Man, I'm not going to eat any other bread now that I've had yours!"
Dad loves the bread I've been making, which is a real relief- at least they can appreciate it! I tried teaching mom and dad how to make it once. They were watching TV and I came into the living room and showed them how to knead, I even asked them if they wanted to try to get a feel. "I don't want to touch it, " my mom said.
"Well, you'll have to make it yourself," I said to my dad.
But I doubt they ever will.
They can't seem to get a grasp of my perspective. What upsets me is that they don't want to try anything other than what they do every day. They don't know how to see things other than the way they already see it anymore. They don't know how to think afar from the screen.
"You don't think we were 19 once," they said to me when I told them they didn't understand.
It's not that I'm 19 now. There's so much more to it now. All the things I felt before and thought were irrational, I know now, were completely rational.
"Just accept it. It's never going to change." My friend told me.
I'm writing all this because I know there are more out there that feel the same way, that they no longer belong in the world they grew up in, and that sometimes, the people that need to understand for it all to feel better just don't, even if they say they do.
I made some sauerkraut this afternoon! I used the recipe that Kathryn at Northern Sun showed us when I was in Katimavik :) I think it'll be really good! I shall post the recipe!
I asked my cousin to help me massage it (that's the best part!) and he did it for about, well, maybe 1 or 2 minutes and said "my hands are cold, I don't want to do this anymore." I'm not going to make him do anything, but it just reminded me that open-mindedness isn't natural for everyone. It's sometimes something learned, and not everyone will always be open-minded.
"Why do you like making things now? Why can't you just buy it?" He said.
My parents see it the same way.
"Man, I'm not going to eat any other bread now that I've had yours!"
Dad loves the bread I've been making, which is a real relief- at least they can appreciate it! I tried teaching mom and dad how to make it once. They were watching TV and I came into the living room and showed them how to knead, I even asked them if they wanted to try to get a feel. "I don't want to touch it, " my mom said.
"Well, you'll have to make it yourself," I said to my dad.
But I doubt they ever will.
They can't seem to get a grasp of my perspective. What upsets me is that they don't want to try anything other than what they do every day. They don't know how to see things other than the way they already see it anymore. They don't know how to think afar from the screen.
"You don't think we were 19 once," they said to me when I told them they didn't understand.
It's not that I'm 19 now. There's so much more to it now. All the things I felt before and thought were irrational, I know now, were completely rational.
"Just accept it. It's never going to change." My friend told me.
It's true. But it's so much easier to accept when it doesn't affect you.
I hope anyone reading this (if there's any) doesn't get the sense that I'm still whining. It's just the truth. And I'm sure there are more people out there that can relate to how I'm feeling right now. And whoever you are, I hope this makes you feel a little better. You'll find home someday!
Here's the recipe to the sauerkraut (best at least 2-3 weeks after canning but ok one week after.)
1 medium cabbage
1 tbsp caraway seeds
3 tbsp sea salt
- Sanitize jars and lids!
- Cut the cabbage in thin slices, put in a big clean bowl (bowl should have lots of space for later.)
- Add caraway seeds, Sea salt.
- Clean your hands, then massage the cabbage, pushing the water out. The salt will bring out the water from the cabbage and in about 10-15 minutes, the bowl will have lots of bubbles and water. When it looks like the cabbage is nearly covered with the liquid, you're done!
- Pack into clean jars (push the cabbage down!) So that it's as tight as you can make it (just to fit more, really.) The cabbage should be completely covered with liquid and there should be about an inch or so of space on the top. Don't be afraid to use your hands and smush them in! (You already used your hands to massage 'em!)
- Screw the lids on REAL tight.
- Wait at least a week before consuming (and try to only use clean utensils, don't mix with other things!) Remember, this is forming some awesome bacteria in it that are awesome probiotics for your body, so you don't want to make any new icky ones you don't want!
TIP: the longer you wait, the better it tastes because it soaks delicious flavour from the caraway seeds!
ANOTHER TIP: If it stinks, like putrid-y, trust your scent, don't eat it. It isn't likely to make you sick, but go with you gut, really. These happen sometimes. I haven't seen it, but that's what I've heard!
You can eat it with your hot dogs (but don't expect it to taste like store-bought crap. Salads, soups and it's just really good for flavouring tons of stuff!
It's easy eh? So simple and SOOOOO delicious! Ya cannnn't buy dis stuff mon! So ya gotts to make it!
Monday, August 8, 2011
No more whining.
Well, I'm awfully moody and hate to say that I've let it take me way too far.
I need to be done with this.
And, like Alex said (in other words), to stop being a baby.
I'm sorry Mom, Dad, Matthew (my cousin that has joined us for a week or two.) and Charlie (I yelled at my dog when he barked) for being short tempered these past few days. I hope I'm never like that again. I honestly can't even remember the last time I was this awful.
But I found the cordless phone, and a checque that was lost a long time ago, so despite losing my dads keys among other things, I'm starting to feel better.
I can't blame the stress on anyone but mysef, really.
So let's break these bad habits and be the Stacey I like.
No more whining.
I need to be done with this.
And, like Alex said (in other words), to stop being a baby.
I'm sorry Mom, Dad, Matthew (my cousin that has joined us for a week or two.) and Charlie (I yelled at my dog when he barked) for being short tempered these past few days. I hope I'm never like that again. I honestly can't even remember the last time I was this awful.
But I found the cordless phone, and a checque that was lost a long time ago, so despite losing my dads keys among other things, I'm starting to feel better.
I can't blame the stress on anyone but mysef, really.
So let's break these bad habits and be the Stacey I like.
No more whining.
Not so well.
Feeling stressed. Overwhelmed.
I don't have a for sure job in Chisasibi. I don't know where I'm living in Chisasibi. My room is a disaster and it seems like nothing in my extensive To do list is getting complete.
And this house doesn't feel like home anymore.
I'm eating unhealthily and even impulsively, not exercising enough, not doing what I enjoy and even letting myself sit in front of the TV too much. (Even though I hate it!)
I don't like this me. I need this change. I want my own place, to make my own food, and my own schedule. (Even if it surrounds the school's.) I need some peace and quiet. I want to manage my own life and no longer be dependant on anyone else for money or anything.
And yes, there's a big part of me that wants to move to Winnipeg to be with Sam, but I need to develop my own ways of doing things first, and so does he. (Mind you, he's always had his own ways and no one could possibly change that...) But independance... It hurts to be here now, but I know what I think is best.
I'm not well, but I want to be, and I hate that all I want to do is shush my mind for a while so I don't feel like I have to cry.
What I need is peace.
I don't have a for sure job in Chisasibi. I don't know where I'm living in Chisasibi. My room is a disaster and it seems like nothing in my extensive To do list is getting complete.
And this house doesn't feel like home anymore.
I'm eating unhealthily and even impulsively, not exercising enough, not doing what I enjoy and even letting myself sit in front of the TV too much. (Even though I hate it!)
I don't like this me. I need this change. I want my own place, to make my own food, and my own schedule. (Even if it surrounds the school's.) I need some peace and quiet. I want to manage my own life and no longer be dependant on anyone else for money or anything.
And yes, there's a big part of me that wants to move to Winnipeg to be with Sam, but I need to develop my own ways of doing things first, and so does he. (Mind you, he's always had his own ways and no one could possibly change that...) But independance... It hurts to be here now, but I know what I think is best.
I'm not well, but I want to be, and I hate that all I want to do is shush my mind for a while so I don't feel like I have to cry.
What I need is peace.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
New definition of "home."
Home is not where your house is. It's where your heart is. It's where you are comfortable, where you are most at ease, where you have a life that hopefully, satisfies you most.
And my parents' house in Guelph, I've discovered, is not my 'home.' It's a house, the one I grew up in, the one that has all my things from my past life. But my home, where my life is now, right now, seems to be at Northern Sun Farm. It's certainly a special place that I hold dear to me, but it might not be my home forever... we'll see.
Home is where you feel loved. Sure, my mom and dad love me, but I don't feel our lifestyles can be in synch, since what my family does and what I believe to be what is satisfying aren't at all the same. I feel frustrated and I truly, as I once predicted, I believe that I could not live here happily.
And my parents' house in Guelph, I've discovered, is not my 'home.' It's a house, the one I grew up in, the one that has all my things from my past life. But my home, where my life is now, right now, seems to be at Northern Sun Farm. It's certainly a special place that I hold dear to me, but it might not be my home forever... we'll see.
Home is where you feel loved. Sure, my mom and dad love me, but I don't feel our lifestyles can be in synch, since what my family does and what I believe to be what is satisfying aren't at all the same. I feel frustrated and I truly, as I once predicted, I believe that I could not live here happily.
Monday, August 1, 2011
NEW MUZAK!
Loving all the new music I'm hearing, and since I love when people share their music with me, I'll share!
I went to the Mill Race folk fest with Jesse and Carla and I found this awesome feature a while ago on Grooveshark.com. Folk Radio. It's hit and miss sometimes, but different stuff, mostly which is A+! I learned that I really love the sound of the punjabi drums with the flute and some traditional indian music.
Galitcha- a really great Punjabi/Indian Folk/French band. The name means tapestry. So their music incorporates a lot of different stuff! Flute, Sax, Doldrum, Punjabi drums (dont know the name), even some Chinese violin!
Bon Débarras- a really fun québécois folk band! I'd say comparable to Les Colocs! Really multi-talented performers too!
Zubrivka- ukrainian folk. Yeah, ukrainian and it was so much fun!
Noah and the Whale- Well, they're not as unknown, but awesome nonetheless!
Delhi 2 Dublin- mix of Irish and Indian. They also incorporate some electronic in their music too! They're really good performers on top of that! (I just watched a video)
Imagined Village- An English band that also incorporates Irish and Indian music. They just make an awesome mix! I googled Irish Indian music and came accross them.
I was also introduced to a lot of new music when in Katimavik, which excites me :)
Music is always good :) and I've really found a deeper appreciation for it after learning to play a little with it myself!
I went to the Mill Race folk fest with Jesse and Carla and I found this awesome feature a while ago on Grooveshark.com. Folk Radio. It's hit and miss sometimes, but different stuff, mostly which is A+! I learned that I really love the sound of the punjabi drums with the flute and some traditional indian music.
Galitcha- a really great Punjabi/Indian Folk/French band. The name means tapestry. So their music incorporates a lot of different stuff! Flute, Sax, Doldrum, Punjabi drums (dont know the name), even some Chinese violin!
Bon Débarras- a really fun québécois folk band! I'd say comparable to Les Colocs! Really multi-talented performers too!
Zubrivka- ukrainian folk. Yeah, ukrainian and it was so much fun!
Noah and the Whale- Well, they're not as unknown, but awesome nonetheless!
Delhi 2 Dublin- mix of Irish and Indian. They also incorporate some electronic in their music too! They're really good performers on top of that! (I just watched a video)
Imagined Village- An English band that also incorporates Irish and Indian music. They just make an awesome mix! I googled Irish Indian music and came accross them.
I was also introduced to a lot of new music when in Katimavik, which excites me :)
Music is always good :) and I've really found a deeper appreciation for it after learning to play a little with it myself!
Gone Gone Going
Well, Katimavik is over.
And I already had the courage to hitch hike from Winnipeg to BC and back.
And my time at the Sun Farm is over, for now.
Now I'm at this place I used to call my "home." I suppose it is, as my parents are here, my friends and the place I grew up, but it doesn't feel much like "home." In fact, I don't really feel like I have just one home anymore. Hence, the desire to go here, hence the continuing desire to go here there and everywhere.
I'm realizing more and more what love is, and how blessed I am to have so much to cherish and so much to give in this life. I know what it's like to leave those I love, and to find that independance I need from those that will always be there for me.
I know better how to deal with my emotions, how to express myself and be at ease with my decisions and whatever comes at me.
I've learned so much, and yet it seems like nothing has really changed. But now, I haven't any fear of being radical, different or just doing what really makes sense to me. I have courage, and that's the biggest difference.
Right now, I miss my family and friends at the farm. Sure, they're not blood related, but they will always be in my heart. Their perspectives changed so much for me, and I don't think I can ever forget that. So I'll be back there some day, I'm sure. The uncertainty hurts sometimes, but in good time, I will become more at ease with it.
For now, my next adventure is back to Chisasibi! Now, I guess it's my turn to inspire.
So here goes!!!
And I already had the courage to hitch hike from Winnipeg to BC and back.
And my time at the Sun Farm is over, for now.
Now I'm at this place I used to call my "home." I suppose it is, as my parents are here, my friends and the place I grew up, but it doesn't feel much like "home." In fact, I don't really feel like I have just one home anymore. Hence, the desire to go here, hence the continuing desire to go here there and everywhere.
I'm realizing more and more what love is, and how blessed I am to have so much to cherish and so much to give in this life. I know what it's like to leave those I love, and to find that independance I need from those that will always be there for me.
I know better how to deal with my emotions, how to express myself and be at ease with my decisions and whatever comes at me.
I've learned so much, and yet it seems like nothing has really changed. But now, I haven't any fear of being radical, different or just doing what really makes sense to me. I have courage, and that's the biggest difference.
Right now, I miss my family and friends at the farm. Sure, they're not blood related, but they will always be in my heart. Their perspectives changed so much for me, and I don't think I can ever forget that. So I'll be back there some day, I'm sure. The uncertainty hurts sometimes, but in good time, I will become more at ease with it.
For now, my next adventure is back to Chisasibi! Now, I guess it's my turn to inspire.
So here goes!!!
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