Speckles of snow!

It snowed! And Saturday was the first time it stayed on the ground for a while :) But then, of course, it melted by the afternoon.  Funny to say I'm in the north and it's probably much cooler in many places south of here. 
It was the first Hallowe'en here, I hear, in a while where there was no snow on the ground!  It snowed about ten minutes today (when I was walking home of course... shivering because I'm a weakling for cold I guess.)

"It's snowing!" I said excitedly to another teacher, "I'm probably the only one to see it that way, of course."
She smiles, "no, Violaine was the same way"
(I'm translating from French so its not exact.)

So Hallowe'en felt chaotic but fun.  I'm glad I was able to smile.  It was a full day of fun! "It's Hallowe'en," the kids said, "we're not supposed to work!" I had them do some printing in the morning, which I'm not sure they were motivated to do... I wanted to keep the routine in place though.  That's important for some kids!

Well, today I got to rejoin the grade 5 class I started with.  What was once "Stacey's class"and now "Jenny's Class."  They kept calling me Jenny and I wanted to say "I'm not Jenny! Stop calling me that!"  "Well, they'd say, you look alike!" And they had all these plans and things they were going to do for the halloween decorations but, of course a lot of their plans did not happen because I didnt know what they did with it all :S  So I did what I could-messy as it is, it's their creation and that's the important thing. 

So there's snow on the ground and, while some are seeing it as "oh no, snow=cold!" I see it as "ohhh how beautiful!"

Lately I've been thinking a little more about my departure from here to tell the truth.  I keep reminding myself though, that I still have yet to accomplish what I came to do.  There's still a lot I need to do for me to feel better about coming back.  No, working at the school isn't enough.  Yes, school makes a huge difference, but school isn't the only thing that defines us as a society, I'm learning.  I want to do more and experience more one-on-one interactions outside the classroom- because they're the ones where you can be fully invested, say what you need to say and be all that you are.  Needless to say, I dont feel I'm the same person in a classroom situation. 

But it's alright, I give what I can and the bottomline is, of course what I always say, I care.  And I show it.

One thing a day...

So today is the first day where I've ever actually said I was "bored."
This doesn't happen often for me, no matter where I go.  I only subbed for one period and even then, it wasn't super demanding.

I really enjoyed teaching secondary English, and even though some might not have liked how I did things, I think I presented a little something else they might not have seen previously.  I think some appreciated it, some, not so much, but that's okay- I did what I could, gave what I had to offer, and I think most of them recognized that.
And once again, it feels weird to not have to plan.  In fact, as much as I thought I wouldn't like the planning, I actually don't mind it now.  I can be spontaneous, and I can plan now!
Today, I was in a secondary class to sub- sec 2 (so like grade 8 in Ontario) and the teacher asked them to write about a moment that changed their lives.  The one that came to my mind, that I used as an example was the time I went to the memorial dance.  Some of you might remember, when I got that nisk (goose) painting in a gold frame and Chris said to me "if you really want something, it will come to me."  If he'd said that any other time, I would've said whatever... but there I stood with proof in my hands.  I never asked for this, but somehow fate, or spirits, or whatever it was- brought it to me. 

I told the students about this, and later read a short story from the Chicken soup book that was on the teacher's desk.  It happened to suit the assignment perfectly actually- it was about a kid who had to take care of their mother and how that changed their lives.  Whoo! For making the best of it!  I also helped a student with what he wrote (he actually did it, which is more than I can say for most classes) It was nice, because I learned more about him, and I actually really appreciated hearing it. 

So I guess this is just evidence that you learn something everyday! Even the days that seem boring!h

ACTION program teaching, sharing!

I'm teaching a class for the action program! It's called Teen cooking!
I'm hoping to start with SAUERKRAUT! whooo!  and for the rest, we'll see what people are interested in learning, but I had yogurt-making, canning, salad-making, and some healthy eating/homemaking tips in mind ;)

Here's a sweet site I found on sauerkraut though :)

http://canninggranny.blogspot.com/2011/10/making-and-canning-sauerkraut.html

Dream that are not so dreamy...

I walk through a garden of flowers, smelling of sugar snaps, beautiful swirls climbing the fence in bean-form, and my favourite flower- I can't even remember the name- but all of this is right in front of me.  I just can't see it right now.

Lately, I haven't been dreaming those happy dreams. I haven't been escaping the reality I don't want to see in my dreams.  Instead, like many, my brain takes me deeper into what I see every day.

My brother takes out a clothing tag with the Underarmour symbol from his skin. In my dream, he was in an accident, but in reality, it was Hollie that was in an accident.  The dream makes no sense logically, but I know what to take of it- I miss him.  My brother, of all people.  The one I never used to talk to?  Well, he's always been important to me, whether he knows it or not, and I can feel our bond growing.

In another, a child in my class lets a bee free. I, unafraid of it's power deal with it and get stung.  I don't remember what happened to me following the sting, but I think I forget what power I'm dealing with sometimes with these kids.

I'm in a dark place now, in my mind.  But I can see the light.  The students in the high school are a tough crowd, and I've been very aware of this from the very beginning.  I won't get through to all of them, but I get the feeling that some, more than I think, are understanding more than it appears. And the ones I least expect are sometimes the ones that are the most interested. 

"You're just a sub," a student said.  "Yes, I'm a sub, and no, I don't get paid any more if you learn this or not.  But I care. I'm here to share what I have. Take it or leave it," I said.
"I'm not here for a paycheque.  I'm here because I feel like I have something to share,"  I said to the students.
"Who are you?" A student asked.

I don't know why, but the questions resonated in my head.  "Who are you?" I didn't know how to answer that, so I said "uh, I'm Stacey, uh I'm from Guelph and I was here before with Katimavik and I came back"
but I should've just said 'I am what I've been showing you from the beginning, but you're so used to not being cared about that you're ignoring what I have to give.' 

I've realized lately that intention makes the world of a difference.  And the ones who understand this much respect me a whole lot more than I'm sure some people have given them.  Those students are the ones that have brought my spirits a whole lot higher.

Remember to live... Remember to love! Oh yes, it's so corny, but It's the best life advice I can give and show.

My mind is often in a dark place and I'm honestly exhausted because I put so much into the work I do.  But the light isn't so far away.  I'm giving and even though there are moments I feel it's not working, I'm getting more than it appears.  They're more receptive than it seems, I'm sure of it.

"I'm no smarter than you," I said.  What I lack in age I make up for in experience and thus wisdom.  So I'm hoping that my positive attitude can reach a few more.

What a fun day!

So yesterday, I spent a little too much time on the computer, waiting for pictures to upload, did a little cleaning, and a little reading, texting my good friend Summer in Edmonton and had a tea with a friend. 

An okay day, pretty relaxed... until- katimavik Thanksgiving.

I also forgot to mention that Friday, I thought Northern Sun was going to burn down from a forest fire (but it's okay!)  But I was really upset, of course.
And last night, my sister was in yet another car accident.

I invited myself over because I hadn't really met the Kaitmavik group and I wasn't going to wait for Chris to invite me.  "We have too much food, invite friends!" says Jack, who's a shaman (I've known him a while, but only found out recently that he's actually a shaman.)   There was about 20 people in a small space, with 5 small, hyper children, so the energy wasn't quite what we call calm... I just observed, mostly, laughed and enjoyed good food!

Then, we witnessed two dogs having a little trouble post, well, they hadn't gotten to pillow talk because they were stuck. 
At first we thought the dog's paw was inside the other's anus.
Then we thought they were glued.
But I, of course, was the one to intervene, and the dog's penis was just too big and got stuck.  So I guess the dog tried walking away while it was still inside and it couldn't. The leg was caught, so I thought the leg was broken. "It's mangled!" I said.  But I guess it was a little more flexible than I presumed...
I moved the leg that was caught and then, within 30 seconds, flllllsh! the penis came out with a splash. Yumm.... 

Sam told me that this happens sometimes when different breeds mix because some breeds just have bigger packages that aren't designed to fit in others.
Then I went to a hip hop concert with Katimavik.  Fresh IE.  We got the end of it, but it was fun anyway!  I think we were the only ones dancing, and most of the crowd was about 10 and under so it made a difference that we were there.

And today, I found out that I may be teaching a grade 3 class!  I don't know quite what's going to happen, but we'll see!

James Bayyyy :)

SEAL! zoom in if you can!

Shashashao

 

:) this reminds me of film photos from so long ago (it seems) looks vintage!

 

So majestic.. so incredibly beautiful... we lucked out have such a day!

A bit of James Bay beauty

Pondering the Tao of Pooh

Humanity was not created with the ability to live as a busybackson.
No, we were created to be human, to give ourselves time to take in what's around us while we're doing "nothing," which in fact is very important to do.

How nice, I should be reading a book such as the Tao of Pooh on a day I spend alone.  The very first, I'm sure, that I have ever spent completely by myself, without any human interaction.  (Excluding the drunks I encountered at the river) And, though sometimes scary, particularly at night, it is something I think we should try to do more often to learn about ourselves and give us some time to think and to grasp what's around us.  A full day.

Funny though, it doesn't seem like anything is really any clearer now, but it might be more so than I think.  Maybe I'll notice it as the week progresses.  I did notice, though, that I felt less like I belonged here this week, since it felt like I wasn't doing a whole lot to make a difference.  It was the first week I was a casual substitute here, there and everywhere.  I was supposed to be in a French class, but since I'm not a Francophone, they had someone else fill in. I wasn't happy about it, and I informed the vice principal, but I should've spoken sooner rather than gone off to play.  The days pass quickly though.
I can't just be a casual sub everyday, I've decided.  I need something that grounds me, that makes a difference somehow.  I've been thinking a lot about how the kids have no quiet space, nowhere to do their homework.  They're seeing opportunity nowhere.

So I'm going to get some people on board to open up the library, lunches, after school, weekends. People talk about it, but it seems that no one wants to do anything about it, or at least initiate it.  It seems to me that a lot of things are like this here in Chisasibi.  So many know what they think should be done to better some situations, but few take action to make these changes.  Initiation is what's needed. And motivation. They have the resources, the people power, even the money.  They just need motivation.

With a couple initiators, more people will see that opportunity is now here (I know, this is becoming Cliche since I've used it a lot, but it fits, I think!)  And I think that might just inspire that energy they need.  Mind you, this has to be a collective effort, that will spread through the whole community.  So let's start with something small that can make a really big difference for many if taken advantage of.

So let's make it happen.

"I admire you," I said to Michelle after noticing how she always makes sure of things before doing it, by calling first or what have you. "you're so well-prepared!  I guess I usually just dive into things and if it doesn't work out, I guess I just figure something else will."
"Just like Pooh!" she says.

Maybe I incorporate more Pooh in me than I know. "go with the flow," I call it.  But sometimes, when the flow is a little wonky, someone has use it's energy and softly push it in a positive direction. 

So I incorporate a little simple Pooh in my life, and I think things will be better.

"What's black and white and red all over?"
"A sunburned penguin." -Pooh :)

Camp des Pines and Picking Blueberries

The trees in this forest died from a forest fire, but the blueberries still grow!  On the other side of the river, the trees are still as beautiful as ever

The trees have passed their lifetime for the most part, but the blueberries and labrador tea are still ever present!

Labrador Tea

Talia :) 

Au camp des pines!

BIG mushroom :)

There's something really spectacular about this photo and I'm not sure what.  But I love it.

The end of one thing, beginning of another

Well, my time with the Grade five English has come to an end for now.
I miss them to tell the truth.  I still really care for them.  And they miss me too, it seems. 

Jenny, the new teacher had a hard time yesterday, but I know it'll get better.  She just has to believe in herself, and learn a lot quickly so she and the children can adapt. 

Sorry I haven't uploaded pictures.  I keep forgetting to bring my memory card to school.  And when I do remember, I often forget to upload the pictures... Well, the class has been my priority.  Otherwise, I'm moving again this week and we'll see how it goes trying to get my own place now that I don't have a permanent job...
And I think this is going to be really challenging for me.
This week I was supposed to sub in a French class for four days.  Then I was told the vice principal wanted a francophone in there even though I knew the kids already, and I knew how the class worked thanks to Jean-François giving me notice.  So suddenly I had no job for the rest of the week... I wanted to take a break this morning though.  I'd like to get some writing in too.  And not feel guilty because I'm not doing this or that for the class. But I still need a job. And I shouldn't let them push me around like that.  I really don't appreciate this treatment.

I'm disappointed because it's hard to know who I can trust at times- in fact I feel like I really need to have thicker skin here and be more careful about what I tell people.  It's really not a cushy feeling at all.
But I love the community still, I love the kids, and I can feel myself growing spiritually.

In fact, I went to visit Jack and Elizabeth at their place on Monday.  They did a card reading for me and gave me some spiritual guidance.  I think I'm more grounded than I think sometimes, but other times, I don't even realize when I feel so crummy.
This weekend was my moon time to be a little off though. Every other month I get that way for a few days.  Then it takes me a little time to get back on track.  So here I am, trying to get back on track. 

I did some origami with Michelle though.  I think it did something for me creatively because I woke up in the morning and immediately had a story in mind.  I started writing it and it was completed pretty quickly.  Now I just have to type it up, fix a few little things and think about possibly publishing.

Next Friday, I'm subbing for Michelle's class too.  Secondary 4 and 5.  And we're going to do some creative workshops.  I'm psyched- really psyched.  Maybe it'll make me consider being a high school teacher, since I remember really liking English class in high school and I had such a positive experience with my teachers.

I have a lot to write about, but it seems to not want to come out on a computer screen for now, so I'll have to write a little later!