Perception Deception- Short Story Finalist for Book with Beat Contest at the Guelph Public Library, 2010
by Stacey Speers
So there I was, in the middle of a field looking up at the stars. She might as well have held my hand and dragged me all the way there. I was just about to ask her if what I saw was the Big Dipper when I realized I could hear her bare feet moving in the grass. I looked over at her and there she was, running around in circles, dancing much like a child, but naked. Butt naked. She had a grin on her face and the drummer inside of me suddenly had a change of heart. Instead, my heart was beating to the something like the song “Cecilia” by Simon and Garfunkel. I suppose my heart could have been broken, but never in her hands.
My heart was loud and clear for her to dance to because I was the lucky kid forced to wear a pacemaker at 17. I had a congenital heart defect, so my heart rate often became irregular and I had to cater my exercise to that The pacemaker echoed the sound of my heart when it was beating too fast, which meant I had to slow my activity to allow my heart to slow down. Its second purpose seemed to be humiliating a young male with raging hormones. It served the latter purpose well.
“C’mon Dennis! Let it be, just dance!”
Instead of whispering words of wisdom, I stood there and stared, speechless and stupefied. Her voice was so pure, soft, and innocent. She was singing in a language I couldn’t understand, but her dance communicated a sense of freedom from what she seemed to have been holding inside. Her brilliant blond hair shone in the moonlight, and flowed like a whirlwind of leaves in the fall. She said I seemed tense, and her expression was so sincerely joyous, but the blood wasn’t pumping to my brain.
“Delilah,” I stuttered, “Please put your clothes on.” I tried looking away but I was so intrigued by her yet ashamed by my natural reaction.
She stopped twirling and spoke softly, as if I were the child. How could she be cruel? At the same time, her sweet melody had me tuned and hopelessly addicted.
“There’s nothing shameful about shedding our masks and showing our bodies the way they were meant to be! Just take off your clothes and dance with me!”
I could never understand her psychobabble.
I regret to say that I failed to join her anti-masquerade party but only now do I understand the wisdom in her madness.
Delilah was my outlet as much as I was hers. I told her everything, and she always took her time to show me her life in metaphors through pictures, poems and stories. Most of the time, I was completely lost. Then again, she was the treasure box I couldn’t unlock and I wouldn’t dare, for I knew I’d leave my fingerprints on everything that made her spectacular. Similar to Picasso, she seemed to have a particular fascination in her art with the eyes.
“You cannot truly know a person until you can see yourself through their eyes” she once told me. I chuckled.
“Well, then lets just get some mirrors from the dollar store and get to know one-another!”
That was the night she invited me to her neighbours’’’ field to dance with the fall colours and gaze up at the stars in the midnight sky.
We usually only saw each other during our period one spare at school. “Period one fun,” we called it. Every morning, that was what got me out of bed. On one hand, she disturbed the rhythm of my heart; on the other, she was what gave it reason to beat. My laughter with her was a song I’d otherwise never hear.
We usually only saw each other during our period one spare at school. “Period one fun,” we called it. Every morning, that was what got me out of bed. On one hand, she disturbed the rhythm of my heart; on the other, she was what gave it reason to beat. My laughter with her was a song I’d otherwise never hear.
One day, she came to me, seeming somehow withdrawn with her body language-she smiled less, but I could tell she was making an effort to be her usual chipper-self.
“Hey Denners, could you take me out for a vroomy tonight? I’ve got some birds to let free.”
There is no song, no poem, or picture that could even compare to her graceful oddities, which is what made her so fascinating.
That night, I drove to her house about 20 minutes from town. I stepped up to her porch, and just as I was about to knock on the door, I heard the echo of my heart. I paused, breathed, calmed, and knocked to the same beat. Then I could hear her feet softly tapping on the stairs to the same beat. She opened the door and, oddly enough, it seems my heart stopped for a second, then slowed at the sight of her smile. She asked me to wait a bit and I stood in the foyer, awestruck by the biggest Christmas tree I’ve ever seen.
She led me to some abandoned church nearby. We got out of the car, and she stood in front of me and said “catch me,” immediately falling backwards. Stupid me, I didn't even react and she actually fell on the pavement. Noob. She laughed, gave me another shot and I caught her. After that, she asked me if I trusted her and after a few tries, she had my complete trust. Then she ran to a pipe and climbed up to the roof of the church. No questions asked, I proceeded to simply follow her lead.
So there we were, on the top of a steep roof of a church on a cold winter evening. We lay there for a moment getting ready for the sun to set on the bitter cold night. It was weird lying on the roof of a church, it felt like I just took a bible and threw it into a fire. Nevertheless, it was liberating.
I sat there thinking ‘hmm, this girl, she’s odd, maybe even a bit crazy. Not insane though…
“So, I was wondering, could you lend me your eye?” she asked.
Okay, so maybe she was insane.
“Well,” I said, “here eye am- me and myself too.”
“No, Dennis your eye ball...”
“Right... okay that might be crossing a few lines.”
She took a deep breath and turned away for a moment. I tapped on her shoulder because I thought she was crying. Then, I noticed she had a sharp spoon-shaped scalpel with foam cushioning on the back. I wish I was warned of what I was about to witness because I’m pretty sure I shit my pants.
“So, I was wondering, could you lend me your eye?” she asked.
Okay, so maybe she was insane.
“Well,” I said, “here eye am- me and myself too.”
“No, Dennis your eye ball...”
“Right... okay that might be crossing a few lines.”
She took a deep breath and turned away for a moment. I tapped on her shoulder because I thought she was crying. Then, I noticed she had a sharp spoon-shaped scalpel with foam cushioning on the back. I wish I was warned of what I was about to witness because I’m pretty sure I shit my pants.
She was, in fact, gouging her eye out.
My pacemaker sounded, I screeched and slipped off the roof, catching my jacket in the gutter. I held on to the side of the church for dear life. On my way to death, I caught a glimpse of her usual smile fading into a serene expression. While I panicked, that loud obnoxious sound wasn’t the Dickie Dee bringing me candy that I might otherwise recall from my childhood. This time, it was my heart nearing failure. She slid down the steep roof casually, eye in one hand, scalpel in the other landing gracefully into a snow bank.
“Dennis, find your Zen.” How could she be so calm?
My pacemaker sounded, I screeched and slipped off the roof, catching my jacket in the gutter. I held on to the side of the church for dear life. On my way to death, I caught a glimpse of her usual smile fading into a serene expression. While I panicked, that loud obnoxious sound wasn’t the Dickie Dee bringing me candy that I might otherwise recall from my childhood. This time, it was my heart nearing failure. She slid down the steep roof casually, eye in one hand, scalpel in the other landing gracefully into a snow bank.
“Dennis, find your Zen.” How could she be so calm?
“Excuse me but some crazy alien chick just took her eye out of its socket and I’m about to die!”
“Trust me. Just let go.”
“Trust me. Just let go.”
She seemed to be looking elsewhere but her calm voice seemed so in tune with the beat of her soft heart, her offer seemed to enticing, even beguiling. Then I remembered that she caught me when I fell. So I let go.
Next I knew, I was lying on an unfamiliar bed, dazed and confused in the hospital. When I opened my eyes, an image of my face and hers seemed to merge together.
“You’re not going to understand this right away, but please stay calm and listen for a moment.” She was very severe in her tone, “If you tell anyone, I will take your eyeball out and stomp on it because I’m trusting you.”
Next I knew, I was lying on an unfamiliar bed, dazed and confused in the hospital. When I opened my eyes, an image of my face and hers seemed to merge together.
“You’re not going to understand this right away, but please stay calm and listen for a moment.” She was very severe in her tone, “If you tell anyone, I will take your eyeball out and stomp on it because I’m trusting you.”
She wasn’t looking at me though. Odd...
“I took your eye,” she proceeded, “and I gave you mine. You see, if your adrenaline is in gear and your blood flow is fast enough, it’s possible, with this tool, to remove the eye with no pain or bleeding.”
“But you were so calm and-?”
“Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I used this,” she took out something that looked like a light-up pen, “to fuse the optic nerve with the eye so that it transfers to the brain. It works because the eye holds a neurotransmitter that signals to the brain, so even when removed you can see what I see and vice-versa.”
“But that’s not-”
“Anything’s possible.”
“I took your eye,” she proceeded, “and I gave you mine. You see, if your adrenaline is in gear and your blood flow is fast enough, it’s possible, with this tool, to remove the eye with no pain or bleeding.”
“But you were so calm and-?”
“Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I used this,” she took out something that looked like a light-up pen, “to fuse the optic nerve with the eye so that it transfers to the brain. It works because the eye holds a neurotransmitter that signals to the brain, so even when removed you can see what I see and vice-versa.”
“But that’s not-”
“Anything’s possible.”
Before I could ask any more questions, she just left. I had a dream where a native drum was beating as I danced with orange flames surrounding me. The moon was full, and my eyes followed the ashes that moved up into the air. I felt content, even though just outside the fire; vultures were circling, wearing cynical smiles. Before I could reach any sort of conclusion in the dream, I was shaken awake and warned that I had a concussion so I couldn’t sleep. I figured I’d be better off going to school so I could stay awake but secretly I went just to see her.
I tried concentrating in class, but my whole body felt like it was actually, physically burning. Delilah was nowhere in sight and I felt so lonely and confused. I wanted to tell her about my dream. I wanted to know that she was okay. I wanted some sort of explanation for why the hell someone would want to gouge their eye out and take my vision. I felt so disoriented, I, naturally headed home. I must’ve lost my mind, because somehow “home” ended up at her place. There, I could taste the bitter saltiness of tears and I didn’t know why.
Then I saw part of myself again and there she sat in front of me, a basket case.
“So do you understand?” she asked. What was I getting or not getting?
“I’m alone,” she said, “sometimes I think some magical force is going to save me, but it won’t”
“I’m alone,” she said, “sometimes I think some magical force is going to save me, but it won’t”
She offered me a tea and we sat down together in her pinewood kitchen. Apparently, she never told anyone at school that her parents were counter-culture citizens that flew around the world to share their music, love and labour. They did everything for everyone. Except Delilah. They even blamed her for making them come home sometimes. She loved and admired them dearly, but she often felt lonely and it was hard for her to trust others as they sometimes left without warning, even when she was but seven years old.
Yes, she seduced me, and then she took my eye out of its socket without my consent. But in return, she gave me the only eye she had.
“I see,” I said.
“Yes, you do. I know this much. Can you look at the clouds now?”
“Yes, you do. I know this much. Can you look at the clouds now?”
This time, she followed me onto the roof and we lay down together to beat the cold side by side. I didn’t have to ask her if she saw the turtle with the hare in the clouds because she was seeing everything I could, while I could see Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band playing in the distance. It was just then that I noticed our heartbeats were perfectly synchronized and our perceptions of reality had become completely irrelevant.
