Another weekend...

Feeling a little low again.
I think it's this weekend thing- having to think about things a little. 
I don't seem to know how to say no to any social offer.
Not that I need to- I had a lot of fun today, but I haven't made much time to just do what I like by myself, like writing.  Not nearly enough, actually...

And even though, for a very long time, I've been suspecting that I'm lactose intolerant, I've been drinking milk on occasion, eating ice cream (2 nights in a row!) and my body is not responding well...
So I need to listen to my body and it's telling me no dairy.

Oh man...  I'll go none for a bit and introduce yogurt (because I'll really miss yogurt...) and other things later I guess.  I'm writing this so that I don't let myself down. 

But I ran into a neighbour yesterday since school was canceled and we had lunch together today, then picked up a friend of hers (who I met before) went blueberry picking, had dinner and watched the social network  The movie subject is interesting I guess, but I found it really quite boring to watch.  It wasn't quite as bad as Wall Street for me though.

Anyway, it's a gorgeous night and even though I feel crappy, I'm going out to experience the beautiful midnight sky and hope for a show of the northern lights (even though the prediction is low.)
I found a nice simple website: http://www.gi.alaska.edu/AuroraForecast/2

I'm hoping to upload a few pics soon!

Swimming, Swimming in the swimming pool...

Today was a half ped. day.  And I spent most of it running around to find this person and that one to find out more about my current living situation among other things, talking about what I need to do to get the kids that need it some individual attention, or individual education plans, which, I'm sure haven't been done in years, since they have had so many long term substitute teachers.  It's a challenging job in the first place, but in a place like this, I feel there's a lot more to think about since there are so many flaws in the current system.  On top of that, there is so much trauma that seems to have been passed down from generation to generation.

Did I mention that there's also bullying going on?  A father came to the class too, because he wanted to deal with the situation himself.  It's gotten to a point where the child doesn't feel safe coming to school.  I talked to the whole class "you are children, you should be children.  Please, talk about how you're feelings," I said, "don't take it out on someone else. These aren't things you should have to worry about.  I want you all to feel safe!" 

I've been talking more about feelings with them, what they are, how characters feel in stories and asking them to share how their experiences make them feel.  "Your feelings matter too," I said to the kid who was being accused of bullying.  I sent him to the office, but I think more severe measures need to be taken to prevent the events from reoccuring.  And I can't accept it if I hear "there's nothing I can do."  Because I know what it's like to be bullied myself.  I don't know what it's like to be a bully, but I think I really, truly believe that I have a gift for empathising with people, and I can tell that the particular accused bully is afraid of adults. 

A student asked me to go outside with her for a moment so she could tell me something about what is happening at home. "Thank you," I said.  I don't think she knows how happy it makes me to realize that she feels comfortable enough to talk to me. 

The words "your feelings matter too", keep repeating themselves in my head.  It's almost 8:30 and I'm still at school.  I need to keep myself in good shape and this isn't something I can continue to do, but the kids are really important to me, so I will do anything in my power to assure that they can progress, that they feel safe and that they're happy.
I'm in over my head, really.  But I can use my common sense. I can give all my effort.  I can give them more of me than I think some adults have given them. 

Sink or swim? 
I chose to swim.

Inspiration

So this week, I haven't done a whole lot other than talking to my awesome room mate, sleep and make delicious food I guess. 

Every time I planned to go somewhere, it failed.  Pipe ceremony Thursday- didn't make it.  Sweat Friday- Well, I was on my way to babysit.  But Saturday, I had the incredible opportunity to be part of a shake tent.

It's not something anyone could joke about. It's not something anyone could even think to not take seriously.  "This shit's real," I wrote in my journal. And I think I experienced something that really explained a lot about me.  I wanted to know what my spirit name was, since I thought that maybe that might help me to know why it is I've found myself having really weird dreams, and crying about things that aren't even my emotions.  A lady told me about her brother who committed suicide many years ago and she wanted to ask at the shake tent if he had found his peace.  When she asked the question, without even hearing the answer, I cried as much as she did to the response.  I've always known I've been an empathetic person, but, never did I think that I could this deeply with someone as I did there.  I was shaking.  I couldn't believe the hurt I could feel. I've been feeling this a lot since I got here this time, but I figured I was just hormonal.  But no, I'm just really sensitive to the trauma all around me, whether I know it or not. 

And my spirit name?  Northern Lights woman.

It made me think of that night I first saw the Northern lights- I cried.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Another night I saw them was when I first met my friend Maryy.  "Northern liiiiiiights!" I kept saying. She thought it was so hilarious, she put it in her Facebook status that night.  "Maybe you have a special connection to the north," my room mate said  And natural beauty that puts people in awe.

I learned a lot about myself this weekend from that shake-tent, and again when I found my magic spot by the river.  A perfect area with a natural rock chair, covered with moss and a view of the river, cranberries and forest.  It's not too far from the trail, but private enough to hear nothing around. 

I thought about asking what brought me here, what's my purpose, why am I here?  But I think I got my answer without even asking that.  I asked the oracle if that would be an appropriate question to ask and he said "what, you want to know if you're in the right place?"  I said "no, I never doubted that I was meant to come back, but I'm just not sure what it is I should be doing." 
"Well that's an answer in itself," he said.  I was a little confused, but decided not to ask it anyway.
 Now, much later, I have the answer to that question in my spirit name.  I am here to inspire, exactly as the beauty of the north has done and continues to do for me.

By the way, I took some pictures today and I'll have to post them this week!  Some of them are pretty spectacular!
Plants you'll never see in Ontario, and my favourite kind: plants from interesting perspectives :)



Genskoumiden by the way for reading!  I haven't been updating on Facebook by the way because I can't get on from the school!

A week of more ups than downs

It's 6:00 on a Friday afternoon, I have so much work to catch up on and I have nothing planned for Monday.
But it's been a really good day.

I love my kids.  They're so sweet.  Today I had a moment where I was mildly frustrated because I was waiting for the kids to come out of the bathroom and the ones that were waiting were getting a little ansy to go outside (and so was I!)  I guess I had a sour look on my face and one kid said to me "can you laugh?" Of course, I laughed and said "of course.  Thanks."  Another kid, a quiet one, was showing me his Michael Jackson move, which we later practiced outside. We went out for an early recess and played Octopuss and singing the old earthkeepers song I learned when I was their age and again later when I taught Earthkeepers and again when I was at camp.

Here are the lyrics:
"My back aches, My belt's too tight, my hips shake from left to right, say Ooh!  Engawa!  Stacey's class has got the power! Bang! Bang!  Choo Choo train, wind me up and I'll do my thing, no Reeses pieces, no buttercups, Stacey's class gonna kick some butts!"

I like it, so they like it, and it gets them excited.  They should know that they're kids and they're allowed to get excited once in a while.  I might not be the best at organizing things, but I think they feel comfortable in the classroom, which makes a difference to me.  I'm not a teacher, but I really do think I bring something important to the classroom.

I care about them, of course.  And I actually really like them.  Honestly, there's a lot I like about each individual student and that makes me really happy, even when they tire me.  It's never the kids that frustrate or upset me.  I can't let that happen, because they're kids, and they deserve my best, so I'm doing what I can.

Teaching, Teaching and Learning too!

So, what I think a lot of teachers will run into and often not realize it, is this feeling that you're just teaching rather than teaching AND learning. 

There are a few things I came to the realization of understanding the other day when I wasn't having such a good day. 
If I, in the morning, don't look forward to the day and tell myself it'll be a bad day, well it will be. 
If I tell myself it'll be a good day, more good things will come and when the trying moments come, I'll have the spirit to get through it and deal with it. 
Also, positive reinforcement works ridiculously well. Something as simple as a checkmark, a sticker, even. 
Oh yes, and whatever I'm interested in, the kids will be interested in.  If I'm excited about something, they will be excited about it too!  So I've come to the conclusion that I can do whatever it is that was fun for me. 

So I was working on showing the kids the different body parts.  They came up with a whole bunch and I put them on cue cards and tape last class. This time, I taped them on myself where all the body parts were so that they could see it all and start to recognize the words.  Then they labelled a diagram and I think they enjoyed it! 

Their art project will incorporate body movement which is part of the curriculum, so I was excited when I came up with the ideas. 

I'd love to blog for longer but I have some planning to do this morning!  It's okay though, because I got some rest last night (I successfully napped for the first time since I got up here!) and I'm feeling better than I have all week!
I hope to write more about learning about myself too though!

PEACE and really, thanks so much for reading!

Today's Agenda: FUN

Every day I write what we're going to do on the board so that the kids know what they're going to do that day.  Today, of course, I had classes planned, but I looked at the 9 of them that showed up, half asleep, I might add, and I looked at the story I had them doing and I thought "why don't I just do something I like with them."

It was a lot more laid back since there were fewer of them, and I feel I saw a little more of each individual's personality since they felt more comfortable so they weren't necessarily better behaved, but it felt a little more natural.  Natural... I could use as much more of that in the school as possible since the classroom, the structure, the environment, it doesn't feel natural to me.

So I erased what I had planned for the day and wrote "fun."  Luckily, I had some backup activities in my desk and I took those out and the kids got excited about the word cross, so I gave that to them.  Then the boys were looking at the globe, pointing to a few places and I said "where do you want to go?"  One of them said "Rio de Janeiro!"  I was surprised, since that's not a place I think many of them know much about and their reading is limited so this kid must have heard something about it from someone else.
I asked another kid and he pointed somewhere Spanish-speaking as well. 

So then, I said "do you guys want to learn some Spanish?"  "YEAH!"  they said.
I think they really just want to learn and anything different from every day stuff is good, really. 
I had them repeating after me how to say the numbers and by the end of the class, I think at least half of them could count to ten in Spanish on their own.

Then, I planned to go for a walk, but Mike suggested I do a fire drill with them and then his class would join mine for some outdoor games.  I was outside first with my class and I started playing games, but they seemed more interested in what the teenagers were doing nearby.  I didn't want to discourage them from talking to them, but I also wanted to get them running around a little.  So the teenagers ended up joining us, which made the games so much more fun.  When Mike came, we played a few more games and Mike took over in the end and it all turned out really well.  In the end, they had fun, and they ended up learning too!

I asked one little girl: is there anything you want to learn about?  And she says "I like learning." 
"But is there anything in particular you want to learn about?" I said.  I want to know what they're interested in, I want to incorporate what they like into the class. But apparently it's easier than I thought...
"Anything,"  she says, "I just like learning."

They really do put a smile on my face!  It's never them that could ever make me feel bad or give me negative feelings.  It's the unfair situation they've grown so used to, yet they continue to still have so much joy to share.

More pics- dans le bois!

Blueberries growing in the lichen :)

My beautiful face after getting into a fight with a few black flies... just beautiful, I know. And the right eye is a little swollen too, but it doesn't look like it compared to my left!

An edible mushroom! I looked it up and found that it's a bolete (I think that's the name...) mushroom (can't remember the specific type) I never got around to actually eating it though.

never found the type of mushroom this is, but it was a cool foamy one!

"C'est ca l'amour!"  I said to Sylvain, as he held his sweet dog on his lap.  The dog won't let anyone else pet it and look at this!

Schmo- toezzzz

A few mushrooms I found on my short walk close to home!

Going back here now... this is on the ride up to Chisasibi!

This one too!  Aren't the clouds cool?  It's like an opening...

This one I took at the dam!  It just looks cool.

Not sure why it looks distorted, but at the dam.

LG-2 again, but from above!

My goofy teacher friends!

The small info place for Chisasibi

Mike the mighty duck.

The staircase- its supposed to slow the water in the case that it floods.

I met Robert Bourassa who died in what... 94?

A weekend of winding down

Sometimes doing little helps accomplish more.  Rarely, but sometimes...

This weekend, I went back to le Camp des Pines where Sylvain lives, on the Cox family trap line.  Josie's Cabin is around there too, and it's near Radisson.  It really makes a difference when you have no electricity, running water and your place is more remote, or 'in the woods', as Sylvain would say (dans le bois).  Sure it's a little more inconvenient, but life just has a whole new meaning when you go back to the basics. 

Saturday, I went up with Emily, Josie Cox's wife and their kids Youdin and Seeguin.  It was really nice being able to get out there with her because I feel like she's one of those people I can really trust, and the whole Cox family (from what I've experienced- Josie, Janie, William, all teachers at the school) They're the kind of people that will go well out of their way to help you out.

I slept in the cabin with the Katimavik group, but Saturday night I was in bed by 9:00 since I felt a cold coming on and honestly I was just drained.  Friday night I tried napping unsuccessfully twice and ended up in bed at 1 AM too.  I had a dream that I was punched in the face by a teenager at the school and I woke up with a swollen eye.  I figured it was from black fly bites from the evening before but holy moly, I could barely even see!  Thankfully, I got out for my morning walk but I tried reading and writing and I just felt way too stuffy to even do that much! Sunday was also really rainy and I could just feel a whole lot of emotions I didn't quite understand, so I went off to write and ended up talking to a volunteer for about an hour and a half (or longer, I don't really know.)  It was Talia, actually. The same girl that recited poetry at the talent show.  Awesome girl! It was really nice because I let go of a lot of emotions and was able to better process it all in the clear air.  I was so thankful Talia was there for me too. 

The rest of the day was pretty blah since it was raining and I was feeling ill, until the evening when the rain stopped for a bit and I asked a few volunteers if they wanted to go for a walk.  Next I new, more than half the group came along!  I started singing some Joni Mitchell, then we kept singing song to song and we really had a blast.  It almost felt like I was a camp counselor again, except they weren't kids I had to look after,  but I still feel like I have to be an example too, of course.  It's just so much more laid back since we're the same age.  I also want to push them a little when I can though.  Monday, Chris drove the van somewhere to help Sylvain with something and everyone hopped in.  On the way back, I said "come on, lazy bums!  Walk!"  Sure enough, those of us that walked had more fun than the rest!  Monday was a sunny day and I felt so much better than before- mentally and physically!  I was even doing some cartwheels!  haha!  We also did some tree planting!  I sort of wish I'd gone off on my own for a little longer to do some berry picking or mushroom hunting, but I'm sure I'll be back soon! :) 

In short, it was a super weekend I really enjoyed, and I have a feeling I'll be spending more of my time outdoors since, Fri Lufts Liv (Free Open Air Life) is, after all, what I want to incorporate in my life!