Today was a half ped. day. And I spent most of it running around to find this person and that one to find out more about my current living situation among other things, talking about what I need to do to get the kids that need it some individual attention, or individual education plans, which, I'm sure haven't been done in years, since they have had so many long term substitute teachers. It's a challenging job in the first place, but in a place like this, I feel there's a lot more to think about since there are so many flaws in the current system. On top of that, there is so much trauma that seems to have been passed down from generation to generation.
Did I mention that there's also bullying going on? A father came to the class too, because he wanted to deal with the situation himself. It's gotten to a point where the child doesn't feel safe coming to school. I talked to the whole class "you are children, you should be children. Please, talk about how you're feelings," I said, "don't take it out on someone else. These aren't things you should have to worry about. I want you all to feel safe!"
I've been talking more about feelings with them, what they are, how characters feel in stories and asking them to share how their experiences make them feel. "Your feelings matter too," I said to the kid who was being accused of bullying. I sent him to the office, but I think more severe measures need to be taken to prevent the events from reoccuring. And I can't accept it if I hear "there's nothing I can do." Because I know what it's like to be bullied myself. I don't know what it's like to be a bully, but I think I really, truly believe that I have a gift for empathising with people, and I can tell that the particular accused bully is afraid of adults.
A student asked me to go outside with her for a moment so she could tell me something about what is happening at home. "Thank you," I said. I don't think she knows how happy it makes me to realize that she feels comfortable enough to talk to me.
The words "your feelings matter too", keep repeating themselves in my head. It's almost 8:30 and I'm still at school. I need to keep myself in good shape and this isn't something I can continue to do, but the kids are really important to me, so I will do anything in my power to assure that they can progress, that they feel safe and that they're happy.
I'm in over my head, really. But I can use my common sense. I can give all my effort. I can give them more of me than I think some adults have given them.
Sink or swim?
I chose to swim.
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